


Somebody Come Get Her...

by amnesiayourself



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Kara Danvers Has a Penis, Kara is a rich CEO, Lena’s a stripper when they meet but there’s more to it, Porn with a lot of Plot, Sugar Baby Lena Luthor, lots of Danvers Sisters, s3 kara danvers vibes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25238836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amnesiayourself/pseuds/amnesiayourself
Summary: “It’s not even my real birthday,” Kara tried, hovering in the living room as her sister stormed through the condo, replacing her heels with another pair while shoving an earring in one of her ears.And it’s not. When the Danvers adopted her, she had no birth certificate, absolutely no proof of existence other than her heartbeat and a sticky note with her name written on it taped to her prepubescent chest. Sometimes, late at night, Kara wondered if it was really her name, or maybe her mother’s, or something made up.“It is your real birthday,” Alex insisted. “I told you to stop saying that. Zip me up.”Kara slapped Alex’s hair out of the way, dodging the elbow that strikes back at her and tugging her zipper up. Alex put on her heals and turned around, clasping her hands on Kara’s shoulders and shaking her lightly. “We’re going to this club, and we’re celebrating. You deserve it. Okay?”-OR, a lost Kara and Lena meet in a strip club and help each other find themselves, realizing just how much their paths are entwined along the way.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 256
Kudos: 1636





	1. Chapter 1

Kara used every excuse in the book. Alex had already colluded with her assistant so she’d get the whole night off, and invited all (four, it’s sad) of Kara’s friends, so she couldn’t say she had plans. There was only one argument left.

“It’s not even my real birthday,” Kara tried, hovering in the living room as her sister stormed through the condo, replacing her heels with another pair while shoving an earring in one of her ears.

And it’s not. When the Danvers adopted her, she had no birth certificate, absolutely no proof of existence other than her heartbeat and a sticky note with her name written on it taped to her prepubescent chest. Sometimes, late at night, Kara wondered if it was really her name, or maybe her mother’s, or something made up.

“It is your real birthday,” Alex insisted. “I told you to stop saying that. Zip me up.”

Kara slapped Alex’s hair out of the way, dodging the elbow that strikes back at her and tugging her zipper up. Alex put on her heals and turned around, clasping her hands on Kara’s shoulders and shaking her lightly.

“We’re going to this club, and we’re celebrating. You deserve it. Okay?”

Kara swallowed at the soft look in Alex’s eyes. She nodded, and followed her out of the door with reluctant, heavy steps.

\--

Electronic music filled the club, dim purple lighting bouncing off the reflective surfaces of tables and mirrors and shot glasses. Alex led an uncomfortable Kara through to the VIP section, past dancers with flimsy lingerie and varying degree of breast sizes that Kara found herself classifying in her mind- _A cup, D, B, double D -_ until they found a good spot. It helped during her teenagehood, to distract her mind and keep her dick from stirring at the slightest hint of cleavage.

Alex sent Kara, who always found it rather easy to part crowds with her broad shoulders and confident stride, off to get the drinks. “ _Get shots_ ,” Alex ordered. Kara sighed internally as she scrapped her plans of getting a club soda, signaling for vodka instead.

Kara let her attention stray as she waited for the drinks, allowing herself to observe the women a little less shamelessly as she realized how all the other patrons were doing the same. Kara didn’t generally allow her gaze to linger on women- they always found her better to be as a friend, because she was nice and had too much baggage, and Kara’s sure no one feels good having their friends staring at their boobs, no matter how big they were and no matter how many buttons were undone.

This was a nice, welcome change, but though Kara knew the girls were attractive she found herself appreciating their beauty without much passion or vigor- that is, until her eyes fell on the beautiful woman lazily swinging around a pole.

Beautiful was both too innocent and not enough of a word for her. You had to be striking to grab someone’s attention in a place where everyone looked the same. Her hair was straight and parted down the middle, somehow perfectly kept in place and not messy at all, and her lips were a bright, imposing red. Her breasts were spilling from her bra- Kara couldn’t decide whether they were a C or a D -and her movements were bored and lazy, exuding an aura of brattiness that grabbed Kara’s attention. When she turned around, her full ass came into view, quite literally- she wore a flimsy thong that disappeared between her cheeks.

Kara shifted her attention to the tray sliding in front of her and tried to ignore the sudden rush of blood travelling down to her cock. She went back to their booth, secretly grateful that the woman was still within her sight from where they were seated.

Her sister took a shot glass and clinked it with hers, throwing it back like it was nothing. “So,” Alex started, not wincing at all as the vodka burned down her throat, “anyone catch your attention?”

Kara glanced over at the woman, unable to help it. She had one knee up on the pole and was barely leaning back in what was supposed to be a dip. Kara could only tell because that’s what all the other women were doing. Otherwise she might’ve assumed the woman was doing nothing at all.

Kara widened her legs as her pants became uncomfortably tight around her. “No,” she lied, clearing her throat.

“Crinkle,” Alex said, following her gaze back to the woman now popping gum in her mouth, tossing the wrapper at a man that had apparently whistled at her. It’s a strip club- Kara’s not quite sure what the woman had expected. “That’s on brand."

“What’s on brand?” Kara frowned.

Alex rolled her eyes, not bothering to respond as she took out her phone to check on their friends, who were supposed to be there ‘three minutes ago precisely.’

Kara considered pushing the matter further but ultimately found herself distracted. She trailed her eyes from the woman’s feet, which were bare of stilettos that were tossed aside, up her smooth legs and to the globes of her ass. Kara wanted to hold them. She wanted them sitting on her lap. She wanted her cock sliding between them.

Kara tugged at her collar, unbuttoning it as the room suddenly turned hot. She trailed her eyes further up, to her curvy hips and her soft stomach, and then to her plump breasts, spilling out of her lingerie. When her eyes finally reached the woman’s face, their eyes met across the club. The woman smirked a little and lifted her hand in a bit of a half wave. Kara sighed shakily.

“Okay,” Alex drawled as the woman shook her ass in her direction, twirling around the pole in a sudden burst of energy. “You have to go talk to her.”

“It’s a strip club. She’s doing her job.”

“That woman did not give a single fuck before she saw you looking at her,” Alex said, which Kara could not refute. “She wants you.”

Kara’s cock twitched at the thought. She averted her eyes to the tray and gulped down another shot, resisting the urge to wince with everything she had just in case the woman was still looking back at her. “Go talk to her or I will,” Alex demanded.

“Don’t start with me,” Kara sighed. “It’s my birthday.”

“Oh, so now it’s your birthday? I’m counting to three.”

Kara rolled her eyes, slumping in her seat.

“Three,” Alex started, lifting three fingers.

“Stop,” Kara groaned.

“Two,” Alex continued, putting another finger down.

“I’m not doing this with you,” Kara stated firmly.

“One,” Alex slid to the edge of the booth, one finger raised.

“You can’t go up to her like I’m your child,” Kara hissed. Alex darted out of the booth and raced to the minor stage the stripper was performing on, leaning across the railing and gesturing towards the girl with no qualms. Kara banged her head on the wall behind her and reached for another shot.

The two conversed for a short time, the woman’s eyes darting towards her periodically. Alex put a bill in her hand and then led the way back to their booth, the woman trailing after her in the same bored way she had earlier, though there was no mistaken the interest in her eyes.

“I booked you a private dance,” Alex announced, her eye twitching as the woman popped her bubblegum loudly by her ear.

The woman stepped up from behind her, dropping a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “Follow me,” she said, smiling sweetly as she walked lithely away.

Kara growled at Alex but followed the woman, eyes slipping from the swish swoosh of her stark black hair to the dimples above her ass and finally down, tripping a little before righting herself. The woman led the way without looking back once, utterly confident that Kara was following dutifully behind.

They went to a cramped room, the woman pausing to watch as Kara closed the door. Suddenly the music from outside was cut off and it was eerily silent. The room had four things only: a stereo, a couch, a chair with a pole set up across from it. The wall in front of the pole was all glass. “Have a seat,” the woman told her, gesturing towards the chair.

Kara found herself, for some reason (a reason that was staring right back at her) frozen. Her cock was pounding uncomfortably in her pants now. She noticed details she hadn’t been able to before, like how the woman’s voice was driving her crazy in that bossy tone and how thick her wonderful thighs were, begging to be squeezed, and how she didn’t exactly _look_ as much as she _glared_. Kara liked that. Kara liked that a lot.

The woman tossed her hair behind her back and splayed a hand over Kara’s chest, under her open black blazer. She pushed her firmly until Kara followed the motion, sitting down. The woman trailed her hand from Kara’s chest, to her shoulders, up along her neck and to her ear. She rubbed at the edges with her thumb. “This your first time?” she asked, all sultry and knowing.

God, was it that obvious? Kara nodded, afraid of the noise that would’ve come out her throat if she’d spoken out loud.

The woman’s thumb rubbed around the edge her ear, ticklish. “Don’t worry,” she smirked. Her other hand came up to Kara’s chest, a warm, reassuring weight. The red polish on her fingernails was chipped and her eyes were a glaring pair of jewels, more wicked than the emerald tablet. “I’ll take care of you. Would it make you feel better to know my name?”

Kara nodded. Yes, yes. She wanted her name. She needed it.

“You can call me Lena,” the woman told her. “What’s yours, darling?”

Lena. Lena. Of course it was Lena. It felt as if Kara was supposed to know it without being told, as if she had known it in her heart all along, and she felt a little stupid for asking.

“I’m Kara,” she said, her voice like chalk scraping against pavement.

“Kara,” Lena drawled. “Okay, Kara. What song do you want me to play?”

She levered herself with the palm on Kara’s chest the way someone might launch themselves with their foot on the wall of a pool. She fidgeted with the stereo. “Come on, honey. We don’t have all day.”

“Only sexy song I know is sex with me,” Kara admitted.

“Sex with me it is,” Lena announced. She played a remix at such a low volume that she might as well have not played it at all. She ambled towards the pole and wrapped her arm and leg around it, her breasts surrounding the pole as she pressed herself against it. “Why’d you choose me?” she asked.

“Huh?” Kara muttered unintelligently.

“You were on the other side of the club.” Lena paused until Kara tore her eyes away from her chest, and rolled her eyes once Kara’s met hers. “Usually when someone asks for a girl, it’s because there’s a specific something in her that appeals to them. Sometimes it’s gigantic boobs, sometimes it’s small boobs. Tattoos, piercings, a weird toe, the like. So, why me?”

Kara answered honestly, if only to get the woman dancing again. “I liked your attitude.”

Lena raised a deadly, intrigued eyebrow. “Oh really? Usually gets me in trouble.”

“And your body, I guess,” Kara added, unable to stop the flow of words from tumbling off her tongue.

“I noticed.” Lena took a step towards her. Kara thought for a moment that she was finally going to plop down in her lap, but she only turned around, took a hold of the pole with both hands, and bent over, shaking her ass an inch from Kara’s face.

Kara groaned, her cock twitching eagerly in her pants. She could feel a spurt of precum leak out and was thankful she’d had the foresight to wear all black, down to her underwear.

“Are you going to do any actual moves?” Kara asked, her ears, still tingling from Lena’s touch, picking up the faint sound of the song’s first chorus starting- _sex with me is so amazing_ -and not wanting this to be over before it could even start.

Despite asking for it, Kara was really not ready. Lena walked up to her, fingers back to rubbing her ear as she slowly mounted her lap, wriggling until she was satisfied with her position. She popped her gum, sharp brow arching. “Good enough for you?”

Kara gulped, fingers tensing around the edge of her chair. It occurred to her for a moment that the other woman might not really want to be doing this. She tilted her neck far back, staring at the ceiling as she felt suddenly dirty, and not in a good way. “You don’t have to do this,” she said, speaking to the ceiling. “I won’t, like, complain or anything. It’s okay.”

It was quiet for a moment. Kara waited, helpless, until dainty fingers gripped her chin and lowered her face until their eyes met. “Kara,” Lena said, slow, careful, trying the word with her tongue. Her full lips tilted into a dark smile, and she tossed her hair behind her back, hand sliding until nails dug into Kara’s chest. She rolled her hips, her body arching against Kara’s torso in easy, clean moves, and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “You’re sweet.”

Lena’s fingers wrapped around Kara’s, which were clutching the edges of her chair tight. She brought them up to her curve of her hips. “You can touch,” she said, returning her hands to Kara’s chest as she rolled against her tense stomach.

Kara molded her fingers around the curve of her hips in a loose grip. Lena weaved against her, hands moving to her shoulders. Her hips grew more ardent, arching against her until her pelvis pressed against Kara’s obvious bulge. Lena made a curious sort of sound, hot breath puffing out against her neck as she investigated Kara’s bulge, rocking firmly against it. “What’s this?” she asked, teasing fingers finding Kara’s baby hair and tugging.

“Sorry,” Kara whispered, and Lena laughed against the side of her face, wet, warm mouth against her cheek. Her lips pressed into her skin, something suspiciously close to a kiss.

“Don’t be.”

She rocked down against her more firmly, making Kara groan, throaty and full-bodied. Lena’s breath hitched against her ears and Kara realized that her fingers had slipped down to mold around the fat globes of her ass, squeezing around the handful the way she’d fantasized all night.

“Is this okay?” Kara asked, silently pleading that it was.

Lena groaned, teeth scraping against her cheek. “If it wasn’t, you’d have a shiner by now. Stop worrying.”

As the song came to a stop and then played again Lena didn’t stop rolling her hips, only moving closer and closer and moaning into her ear as her clit ground against the buckle of Kara’s belt. Kara stopped worrying, but she didn’t loosen up- no, she only grew more and more tense, her cock throbbing painfully as Lena’s enticing tits waved in front of her face, that one freckle calling for her lips.

Lena was now arching with a single-minded purpose. Kara watched her own hand caress Lena’s ass in the mirror in front of them, the play of Lena’s jet black hair against her pale back as it slithered and snaked, the high breathy sounds coming out of her lips that Kara just _knew_ she would make the second her eyes landed on her. She dug her fingers in and pulled Lena closer, urging her into a surer movement. When Lena cursed, ass driving back into her grip and spine melting a little, Kara did it again, thrusting up into her covered cunt.

Lena’s noises rose to a crescendo. Kara pulled her down by the ass and kept her locked in, thrusting until shudders signaled Lena’s release.

It didn’t take long for Lena to recover. She pulled back, her lipstick a little smeared and her eyes twinkling teasingly.

“That was unexpected,” she said with a little gasp. “Didn’t think you had it in you.” Her hand slid between them, fingers fluttering over the bulge in her pants. “Didn’t think you had _this_ in you.”

Kara shifted her legs, manhandling Lena’s body easily to give more space for her cock to breathe. Lena tapped her fingers over her cock, smiling coyly as she traced over her zipper. “Should I take care of it?”

Kara began to growl but tamped it down, holding herself back by the edge of her seat. “If you want.”

“Hmm. How about you say please?”

Kara did growl, this time. Lena giggled and pushed the zipper down, cupping the throbbing meat hidden inside through the fabric of her brief. Her giggle caught in her throat, giving to a whine she hadn’t meant to let out, judging by the blush that pinkened her cheeks. She palmed her hardness, falling quiet, eyelashes fluttering and teeth biting into her lips. “Feels big,” she whispered.

Kara put a palm on the back of her neck, asking with her eyes as she pulled her closer. Lena covered the distance, falling into her lips like a homecoming, all tongue and sloppy while her hand rubbed Kara’s cock like she’s ready for it to spill.

She distracted Kara with sharp, biting kisses that had her losing herself to the pain while she slipped her cock out of her underwear, both her hands wrapping around it in a vice grip. Kara groaned, holding her steady by clasping her waist.

“Fuck,” Lena whined, her hands exploring the long, long length of Kara’s cock, the sound sinking to a groan at the wetness she found at the tip. Kara’s cock twitched excitedly at the first touch in a long time, dribbling over Lena’s fingers, and Lena rubbed the wetness around her head, swiping over her slit and rubbing into it. Kara was close, too close, and she couldn’t bring herself to be embarrassed when she thrust up into Lena’s hand.

There was so much pre-cum leaking from her cockhead that she could barely feel the friction around her cock, and Lena must have noticed. She tightened her hold, hands moving up and down, up and down her long shaft, covering every inch.

“Good?” Lena asked, and Kara was not sure how she could have the audacity to do so when Kara’s face was screwed up at the sight of two dainty palms working to cover her cock, breath falling out in sounds akin to whimpers, hips rocking into her hands.

“Good,” Kara confirmed, voice hoarse. “So good, Lena. Keep going.”

It’s blissful, hot, wet. Lena, the woman that had been half assing everything the moment Kara’s eyes had laid on her, working hard to bring her to climax.

When Lena’s fingers started doing something tricky and clever to the underside of her cockhead, Kara lost her mind. She came with a shout, a load of cum spurting out of her cock without warning, spilling onto the palm that Lena had raised to cover her slit. It didn’t stop for a long time, Lena’s hands still working around her, cum that had been building in her balls jetting out like a scream of relief.

Lena tucked her in without clean up, and it felt messy and wet in her pants as Lena stood back up. Kara handed her the handkerchief from her breast pocket and it seemed to bring Lena back to herself, a wicked chuckle shaking her chest as she plucked it out of Kara’s hands. “You’re a gentleman, aren’t you?” she asked, but it didn’t sound much like a question, and she moved on before Kara could answer- she’s not sure what she would’ve said anyways.

Kara hovered near the door as the woman turned off the stereo and carefully reapplied her makeup in the mirror. She ran over things she could possibly say in her mind. Things like _Have you ever done this before_ or _Did you like touching my cock_ or _I can make you come harder than that if you’d like_ , or maybe just a simple _Thanks._

But she ended up not saying anything at all. Lena finished reapplying her lipstick and walked over until their fronts brushed together. She braced her palm back against Kara’s chest, and Kara nearly deluded herself with thoughts of a kiss, but it was only to whisper— “Don’t come back here again.”

She slipped from Kara’s fingers and out the door. When Kara snapped out of her surprise and followed after her, she’d already disappeared somewhere in the crowd.

Kara looked down at her pants to double check for any stains and went back to her table, completely speechless. Nia took one look at her and squealed, grabbing Alex’s arm. “She totally fucked that stripper!”

Kara gaped, blinking slow. It was like Lena had milked her balls free of come and her brain free of cells. She downed another shot, eyes flitting over to the minor stage Lena had stood in, but someone else was dancing on top of it, with all fours on the floor. Kara turned her attention back to her sister, stuttering through an explanation of the last half hour.

-

Kara woke up with a raging hangover, her blood thumping against her temples in an effort to escape. She turned off her alarm with a growl, traipsing to the kitchen to start brewing her coffee. Kara cursed Alex and her birthday and every single god that existed, frowning at her empty mug as she waited.

She sprawled on her couch with her coffee. After gulping half of it down, she began to think more clearly. Flashbacks of the night before came back, of a gorgeous woman’s sultry voice telling her to _call me Lena_ and grinding against her lap until she came, of getting a hand job in a private room of a club. Dancing after, letting loose for the first time in a good while. Alex pushing her into her bed and pecking her forehead before stumbling out of her condo.

Kara took a quick shower and dialed her sister’s number, putting it on speaker as she started getting ready for work. Alex answered with a long groan and Kara snorted, trailing a finger past her various identical black suits.

“Morning, sunshine. Just wanted to make sure you’d get up for work.”

“I hate Thursdays,” Alex groaned again, taking a long, noisy sip of her coffee.

“This is all your fault,” Kara told her, pausing to fumble with her cufflinks. She always struggled with those. “I didn’t want to go out.”

“You should be thanking me. You finally got laid.”

“Maybe I should be,” Kara admitted. “But I’m not gonna.”

Alex chuckled a little and Kara smiled along, sitting on the edge of the bed as she put on her socks. Her eyes caught the stained briefs hanging over the edge of the laundry basket. “Do strippers usually do that? Like… things other than lap dances?”

“Not at Al’s club,” Alex said. “She must’ve really liked you.”

“I don’t think so,” Kara muttered. “She told me to never go there again.”

“Why would she say that?” Alex asked, a little loud, then groaned. Kara could imagine her squinting her eyes shut and rubbing her forehead against a raging migraine. “You asked for consent, right?”

“Of course,” Kara rolled her eyes. “I think I annoyed her with how much, actually.”

“That’s strange. Well, I gotta go get ready. We’ll talk about this later, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Bye, love you.”

Kara shut her phone and refused to think of the puzzling woman any further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This started off as just smut and then i fleshed out each character's storyline a bit too thoroughly and fell in love with them lol. Let me know if you want more, and come over to my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/amnesia-yourself) for sneak peeks, or a chat if you'd like!


	2. Chapter 2

Kara had big hands and big, broad shoulders and a _very_ big, thick cock to pair. She was big in every way, and yet she was so shy her older sister had to approach Lena for her. She was tentative at first, until she’d gotten Lena’s full consent. Then her movements were sure, strong, capable. Lena needed both hands to wrap around her girth and Kara came all over them in under three minutes. She gave Lena a silly handkerchief that was embroidered with an address and a company’s name, revealing her identity, her workplace, and her grandiosity in one swoop. From the _CEO_ embroidered next to her full name- _Kara Danvers_ -Lena could’ve easily sold a story to the press, sabotaged her career, burnt her down to the ground. Still, no sense of secrecy.

She scared Lena. That was the fact of it. She was the type of person Lena ran away from, the type that seemed good and genuine on the surface, until they got what they wanted. Lena didn’t trust her. Lena warned her to stay away. She wanted nothing to do with it. Nothing.

So why was Kara here, again?

Lena smacked the bill from Kara’s hands and stomped to her private room, closing the door behind her. “I told you to stay away,” she hissed, all anger and scorn, finger pointed at Kara’s chest.

Kara blinked, wide eyed. Her arms were hanging by her sides. Completely open for attack, vulnerable. Lena hated it. She hated, hated, hated it. “Why?” she stuttered.

“I could lose my job,” Lena hissed. “Yesterday shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara said. She looked exactly the same as she did the day before. A fitted black suit with an oddly colored handkerchief in the breast pocket, golden hair falling down her back in highlighted rivulets, a blinging watch that expressed her wealth without a doubt. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“I don’t _care_ what your intentions are,” Lena sneered, shocked at her own vitriol. She was all up in Kara’s space, her finger pressing into her chest through her shirt. Lena blinked, took a step back, and when she opened her eyes again, her lashes fluttered against her cheeks. She flicked her hair back, revealing the cleavage leaking from her bra, and Kara’s gaze flitted down and up in a millisecond. Lena’s voice turned honey and tease. “Like I said, it was a one-time type of deal.”

Kara hardened to half-mast at the mere sound of that tone. She shifted, widening her stance, and Lena chuckled a little. Her laughter was knives and her red lips were poison. She strode towards Kara, lithe and all hips, and laid her palm over her chest. “I can get a good time from someone else.”

“I’m sure you can.” Kara said, as if it were a fact. Lena’s held tilted, brows furrowing in surprise for a moment before unfurling again. She made to push herself away, but Kara caught her wrist, loosening her fingers until they barely brushed Lena’s arm. When the woman didn’t pull away, Kara continued. “I didn’t mean to put your job at risk. I’m sorry for coming here. I just wanted- it doesn’t matter. You obviously don’t feel the same way so,” Kara shrugged, lips thinning as she made her way out of the room, “I’m sorry again.”

-

Lena put effort into her pole dancing, for once- cartwheels and fireman spins and back hooks. She entertained the clients, danced for them, accepted their twenty-dollar bills with a sense of ownership. She needed the money, now more than ever.

Her boss found her before her shift ended. He was an old, smug white man, hair slicked back with ungodly amounts of gel and a cigarette always dangling from his mouth. His crooked nose was always looking down at her, and he called all the women working under him ‘sugar.’

“Sugar,” he said, hand on her shoulder, waving a bundle of bills. “Just look at how many tips you’ve earned today. It’s good that you’re finally accepting your place, yeah?”

He leered at her, all yellow, gaping teeth, and Lena had to smile back, against every fighting nerve in her body.

To top it all off, all that effort and sweat didn’t manage to take her mind off Kara for a single minute. It’s all she could think about- how she was smiling, a tentative upturn of the lips that collapsed after Lena had snapped at her. How she’d seemed so lost, like she’d woken up and suddenly she was at Al’s, blinked and suddenly she was looking at Lena, and she didn’t know how she’d gotten there.

Granted, it wasn’t like Kara was an easy person to forget. She was everything Lena was trying to avoid, everything that led her to her downfall- but she still craved it, like an idiot, craved to have her, and she hated herself for it.

-

Lena couldn’t afford to indulge, not anymore. The word itself seemed like a part of a vocabulary long past. Indulging used to mean a yacht trip after sealing a deal or sightseeing at Rome during the holidays. Now, indulging, if it could even be called that, means splurging on a cheap bottle of alcohol after finally catching up on her rent for the first time in months.

Lena’s apartment wasn’t a comforting place to return to, much less call home. Lena never thought she’d have this problem- granted, she never thought she’d have any of the problems she currently had -but it was cramped beyond measure. The shower always sprayed cold water that chilled her to the bone and the pull-out bed, with the filthy mattress that Lena tried not to think about, stretched out from the wall and blocked the door. Cockroaches appeared out of thin air every night, rats sometimes too, and Lena lived with the constant fear that they were crawling all over her as she slept.

There was a thin package of mail waiting for her inside, pushed under her door. Lena wasn’t fooled by the size of the thing. She flipped the file open with trepidation, glanced at the seven-digit number, and was filled with dread so utterly consuming that, for a second, she wished for death.

She turned right back around, locked her door, and made her way to return the stupid whiskey. Consumed in her anger and frustration, she considered tossing the file in the garbage as she stormed away but gathered her sensibilities in time not to follow the impulse, shoving it in her purse instead.

Tears gathered in her eyes as she returned the bottle and snatched her money back from the cashier’s hand. It all weighed down on her, all at once. Her whole family, if they could even be called that, constricting her to this place she doesn’t want to be in, blow after blow after blow- even her brother, who she loved and thought loved her back, even Andrea, whom she found safety in, stupidly.

She needed to forget, if only for a few hours. Even that, they’ve taken from her. Lena searched her purse for a napkin and wiped her eyes, trying to pull herself together until she could go back to her apartment. The fabric was cold against her cheek, comforting in the way only expensive items were.

It was the handkerchief Kara had given her the week before- Lena had tossed it in the wash with the rest of her clothes. She didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t get rid of it. On the side, slightly frayed by now, was Kara’s work address sewed in in white.

It was a fifteen-minute bus ride, plenty of time for her sad, simmering rage to boil over to a tsunami of anger and frustration.

It occurred to her about halfway through that it was almost midnight, that no sane person could be working so late, but she somehow knew Kara would be there. She’s not sure what she would’ve done, if she wasn’t. Probably trash her office in a fit of frustration and get herself arrested the next day. Maybe something worse.

Lena stormed through the double doors, past modernistic décor, the smell of printing paper, the cacophony of TV screens and monitors- these all used to be staples in her life, until they were replaced by tacky furniture, shitty music, the smell of sweaty bodies. It was Kara’s office that did it in the end, that homed it all in- there she was, visiting the woman sitting in front of a wall of TV screens in her own private office, after she herself had been visited at a strip club, in her tiny private room with the shaggy carpet and the pole. Lena tried to hold on to her bravado but to no avail. She found herself, inexplicably, crying on Kara’s couch before she could say a word.

“Lena?” Kara said tentatively, rising from her seat. Lena hiccupped into her hands, waving her hand to ward her off. “Are you okay?” Kara asked.

God, what a stupid question. Lena wiped her nose with the sleeve of her trench coat, and when she spoke her voice was a croaky, unsexy mess. Lex infiltrated everything she owns- but not her body, not her sex-life. “You ever have sex on this couch?” 

“Uh…” Kara blinked at her, frozen halfway out of her chair, knees bent and hands on the arm rest.

“What about on your desk?” Lena got up, crossing the room to push Kara back into her chair with shaky hands. Her hands fumbled with Kara’s belt, undoing it much too deftly given her state.

“Lena,” Kara repeated, feeling whiplashed. “You were just crying—”

“That was then,” Lena said briskly, unbuttoning and unzipping Kara’s pants to reveal the fabric of Kara’s briefs. “This is now.”

Before Kara knew what was happening, her pants were hanging around her ankles and Lena’s palm was cupping her cock through her underwear. Kara groaned, and it should’ve been much more difficult for her to get hard so fast- Lena’s cheeks still bore the faint hints of smeared tears, and she was crying on her couch just a minute or so earlier -but her cock rose to the job, quite literally, and when Lena’s fingers slipped into the waistband of her boxers and tugged it down, her cock bounced out, slapping against her stomach.

“Fuck,” Lena said, voice higher than it was before. She batted Kara’s reaching hands away and unbuttoned her own trench coat, tossing it aside and kneeling between Kara’s knees.

“You don’t have to—” Kara started, dumbstruck at the flurry of events, but Lena’s hands were already reaching for her, holding onto her throbbing shaft with a tight grip as her mouth parted around the head.

Kara let out a croaky gasp, hips arching into her hands, and by extension, her mouth. Lena took the extra few inches willingly, mouth splitting wide around Kara’s girth. She was already imagining how it would feel like to split around Kara, sink down onto her hard, hot length, fuck her until she was speechless from it.

But first, she wanted to see how far she could take her in her mouth. She squeezed Kara’s cock, pulling back to lick over the head, suck the sensitive bundle of nerves underneath.

“Lena,” Kara grunted, hands squeezing around the armrests of her chair. “I’m gonna come before I can fuck you if you keep going.”

Kara _was_ leaking profusely, dripping over Lena’s fingers, making a bigger mess than last time. Lena huffed, trying to sound annoyed, but she couldn’t hide how breathy her voice had gone, how affected she was. She shucked her jeans off and straddled Kara’s thighs, tugging her panties aside—

“No, no, wait,” Kara stilled her hands. “Have to get you wet,” she explained, eyes dark. She stood up, carrying Lena with arms tucked under her thighs.

Lena gasped, palming the straining fabric of Kara’s dress shirt. Kara put her down onto the mahogany desk, and her hands tore the fabric of Lena’s thong, running through Lena’s folds and spreading them apart before Lena could bring herself to get mad about it.

Lena shoved her closer by the lapels of her shirt, head dipping to bite at her jaw. Kara groaned, but didn’t let it distract her. Her long fingers found Lena’s entrance, rubbing over it with purpose.

“Move faster,” Lena ordered gruffly, and Kara’s teasing touch turned confident, her fingertip breaching the tight muscles of Lena’s entrance and sinking in quickly.

Lena moaned into Kara’s ears, one of her hands fisting Kara’s hair to bring her down to her neck. She was treated to a low groan that rumbled out of Kara’s chest as Kara added another finger, stroking in and out of Lena’s cunt with purpose.

Her walls hugged Kara’s fingers tightly, barely letting them retreat. Her attention started drifting. She was less concerned about Kara’s cock and more about coming over her fingers, soothing her aching clit. She moved her fingers down blindly, but Kara held onto her wrist and took the task into her own hands, fingers rubbing Lena’s clit skillfully, starting soft and pressing with more force when Lena bucked into her touch.

“Fuck,” Lena groaned, her cunt clenching around Kara’s fingers. Kara echoed the sound, mouth sloppy against her neck, dragging teeth and tongue licking out. She shoved Lena further up the desk to free more room for her hand to work, rubbing tight circles around Lena’s clit, teasing trickles of come to spill out, fingers stroking with abandon. Lena’s head spun to imagine her walls wrapping around Kara’s cock instead. 

A part of her was almost sure she wouldn’t be able to take it- Kara was _big,_ and if her cock had seemed endless before, in Lena’s hands, she struggled to fathom how it would feel inside her, pressing deep, deeper than anyone before.

Kara’s fingers finally found the spot they’d been searching for- Lena gasped, and her fingers tightened their grip around Kara’s hair, anticipating the touch again- but Kara avoided it completely, her prodding fingers pulling out instead.

“Kara!” Lena hissed, tugging her hair punishingly. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kara shushed her, bending to retrieve a condom from one of the drawers and tear the plastic foil off with her teeth. “You can come when I’m inside you,” she husked, and rolled the condom over her length with a practiced hand.

Lena gasped at the words, eyes widening. She wasn’t expecting it, but she liked it, and Kara must have been able to tell- her movements grew more confident, surer. “You think you can take me?” she asked, running her cock through Lena’s puffy, sensitive inner lips to lube herself up.

“I’ve taken bigger,” Lena hushed, a transparent lie. Her voice had a high, anticipatory affliction, and she was looking down at Kara’s thick cockhead, pressed against her wet entrance, with both excitement and a hint of apprehension, a pink blush coating her cheeks and her chest.

Kara hummed, appeasing. A gentle, commanding hand urged Lena to lie on her back, and Lena fell back, too impatient to fight it. Kara held onto her thighs, fingertips digging in, and pulled her closer to the edge of the desk.

Lena groaned, and when Kara pushed forward lightly, her head nudging Lena’s pink entrance, the sound evolved into a throaty moan.

“Yes,” Lena held onto the edge of the desk above her, hips rocking up to try and take more. “Kara, fuck me,” she pleaded, uncaring of how needy she sounded. It was taking too damn long. She needed it inside her, and quick.

Kara’s fingers took back their place on Lena’s clit, firm rubbing that coaxed come to leak from Lena’s center, hoping to ease her entrance. Lena cursed, her neck a perfect arch as she threw her head back at the sight of her lips spreading wide to accommodate Kara’s thick cockhead, which was struggling to breach through her cunt. It only seemed to spur Kara on, because she rutted more firmly, spreading her further, until Lena’s walls finally accepted her.

“ _Kara_ ,” Lena cried out, nearly a shout, hand flailing to clutch Kara’s thigh. Her bluster was forgotten, her pulsing walls stroking Kara’s cock without her having to move. “Go slow,” she breathed out, shaky, and seemed to mold into a different being, ready to take what she was given at its own pace.

Kara pushed up her sweater, palming her stomach in apology. She pushed forward again, tentatively, looking up to make sure it was okay. Their eyes met, Lena’s jaw unhinging and a strained whine spilling out of her as her cunt was stretched around Kara’s insistent cock.

“Tight,” Kara grunted, Lena’s walls squeezing around her in agreement. She pressed her palm down over Lena’s stomach, feeling the soft outline of her cock, and Lena writhed, breaths falling quick and frantic.

“You like that?” Kara asked, her palm pressing harder the same time her hips rutted into Lena’s. Her cock bumped into Lena’s cervix, pushed up into Kara’s hand, demanded room where there was none.

“ _Yes_ ,” Lena keened, feeling stuffed beyond compare. Her fingers scrambled for Kara’s hand, holding onto her wrist. “Please,” she whined, her hips canting up.

Kara’s fingers tightened around her thighs with intention. _That’s right_ , she thought. _You beg for it._ Her hips withdrew and thrust back in eagerly, her thick shaft sliding against Lena’s sensitive walls. Lena’s cries tumbled out of her liberally, her hands clenching around the wood of the desk, her legs trembling each time Kara bottomed into Lena’s silky walls with hard, unmerciful thrusts.

Kara pounded into her faster and faster, hips propelled by the whimpers falling from Lena’s lips, the come that soaked her cock, the fingers digging into her wrist and urging her hand to press down. She slid in to the hilt each time, thrusting harder to make sure she was as deep as she could get, every muscle strained as she held herself back from climax, grunting with each thrust.

Her fingers fumbled for Lena’s clit, pressing circles directly on it, and she plunged deep into her cunt. Kara spilled into her condom before she could help it- but Lena was already bucking against her hand, her walls fluttering around Kara’s cock as she came along with her.

Kara’s hips kept pumping, shallow thrusts that prodded at Lena’s walls and suspended her in aftershock. She finally finished with a groan, pulling out and tossing the thoroughly used condom into the trash. She collapsed into her chair, breathing heavily.

Lena whimpered at the loss. Her cunt pulsed and pulsed around nothing, thighs pleasantly aching and throat a little hoarse, and she felt something click back together inside her.

She did what she came here to do. 

Lena lent up onto her elbows, looking up at Kara. She was slumped into her chair, with her slowly softening cock, coated in wetness, hanging against her thigh. Lena had to admit, it looked much less intimidating that way.

“You have a bathroom in this place?” Lena asked.

Kara blinked at her, her answer coming slow. “Yeah… over there?” she gestured loosely, limbs askew, and Lena laughed at her a little. She looked thoroughly fucked, within an inch of her sensibilities, and no one would’ve guessed that she’d just made Lena come so hard around her cock that the world temporarily seemed less blue.

Lena hopped off the desk, nearly gliding to the door. “I can join you,” Kara started, but Lena only cupped her soft cock, patting it with a smirk.

“I’ll do just fine by myself, thanks,” She simpered, and locked the door behind her with a resounding click.

The bathroom was much too big for an office. The tiles were white marble and the toilet was one of those expensive kinds that looked like they could hold up a conversation with you just fine. There was also a shower, thank god, tucked into the corner, and Lena wiggled happily as she turned on the water and basked in its warm heat, turning the knobs until the temperature was perfect.

She needed this- it’s been around four months since she fell out with her family, since she took on way too many burdens than what she was used to and had every privilege ripped from her. The knot in her stomach unfurled for the first time since then, and she basked in it, however temporary it was.

The parallels didn’t escape her mind. Andrea was initially kind and caring. She confided in Lena, and by opening up, tricked Lena into doing the same. She was the last person Lena slept with, and she used to believe that they had a bond superseding any other in Lena’s life.

Then Andrea turned around and betrayed Lena the first chance she got.

Kara won’t be given that chance. Lena came here because she craved something- some _one_ -who was _good,_ she will admit that, but it’s better that she leaves before the bad shows up. It’s better to hurt Kara before the woman gets the chance to hurt her first.

Lena dried herself with the towel, the fabric plush and the most expensive thing Lena’s felt on her cheek in a long time. She threw her sweatshirt back on and pulled on her jeans, rolling her eyes as she remembered the inconsiderate way Kara had snapped her thong off. Sure, it was cheap, but not everyone was a _rich CEO,_ for god’s sake.

Lena clutched the towel in her hand and decided that there was no way she was parting with it. She unlocked the door and stepped out, the declaration ready to spill off her tongue, but hesitated when she took notice of Kara’s caught expression, her body language looking stiff and rehearsed.

“What did you do?” Lena asked warily.

“Nothing!” Kara squeaked, and quickly cleared her throat. “Nothing.”

Lena noticed the torn underwear held in Kara’s hands and glazed over it with a roll of her eyes- quite foolishly, in hindsight. “Enjoying yourself?” she asked, eyes narrowed pointedly.

Kara looked down at her hands and flushed. By the time she had gathered herself enough to respond, Lena had already snatched her purse and was heading out.

“Okay— wait, wait!” Kara crossed the room and was blocking Lena’s exit in seconds. She just stared at Lena; eyes expectant as if Lena was able to read her mind.

“Are you waiting for a goodbye kiss?” Lena asked, arching her eyebrows up at her.

Kara stuttered, her hands gesturing feebly. She seemed to forget that she was holding on to Lena’s underwear and was waving it around. “It’s midnight,” she settled on. 

“So?”

“So… It’s dangerous!”

Lena caught up quite quickly. “How do you know I don’t have a car?”

Kara floundered for a long moment, her facial expressions mildly endearing, much to Lena’s chagrin. “Most people in National City don’t?” she answered, and if she sounded unsure Lena didn’t notice.

Lena wouldn’t say no to a ride. The streets were dangerous so late. Besides, she could get out a block or so off from her apartment and walk the rest of the way, so Kara wouldn’t even find out where she lived.

Lena pressed her palm against Kara’s chest, lips lifted in a coy smile. “How chivalrous.”

Her hand gripped Kara’s untucked shirt and pulled her along, and Kara allowed herself to be led, stumbling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long to write, lol. Thought of posting a sneak peek on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/amnesia-yourself) while i got this done, but it felt weird to do that when no one asked for it, so if you'd like one in the future just shoot me an ask.
> 
> We enter sugar baby au territory next chap! Thank you guys for all the support :))) Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Kara squeezed the steering wheel, glancing at Lena from the corner of her eyes discretely, or so she hoped. She was still trying to process. The first time she saw Lena, she was told to _never come back here again._ The second time, Lena had screamed at her with rage dripping from her tongue. And now, the third time, proved to be no less intriguing than the other two. Tears, followed by frantic, mind-blowing sex.

“So.” Kara tapped her fingers against the wheel, glancing at Lena again. “That was really good… right?”

Lena shrugged, still looking outside the window. “It was good. You lasted long enough.”

Kara blushed; ears ablaze. She almost ducked her head before realizing she was operating a vehicle. “Sorry,” she muttered, and then, before she could help it, “It’s just- it’s been a while since the last time I…”

“Had sex?” Lena finally averted her attention from the window. “How long?”

“Uh,” Kara squirmed, “A… year. And a… half.”

“Huh.”

“What?” Kara furrowed her brows.

“It’s just hard to believe. You’re pretty- handsome, even. With your whole,” Lena waved her hand towards Kara’s general direction- her monochrome suit and the bright golden hues of her hair, falling down her shoulders in rivulets, “look.”

“Pfft.” Kara tried to suppress her giddiness, tongue falling loose. Everything felt loose- her tongue, her previously stiff muscles, the weight on her shoulders. “No, _you_ ,” she said, not sure where she was going with it. “ _You’re_ gorgeous, I mean—”

“Left here,” Lena interrupted her, and Kara cleared her throat, almost grateful it.

The rest of the car ride was silent, except for Lena giving her directions in a brusque tone. _Stupid,_ Kara thought to herself. _You should’ve just stayed quiet from the get-go._

“Stop here.” Lena pointed.

Kara slowed the car down to a stop. She looked out the window, neck craning.

“There’s no apartment complexes here?”

Lena pulled on the handle, purse and coat in hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Wait.” Kara touched her knee, briefly. Just quick enough to stop her. “Please, I won’t say anything else. I get it. Just let me drop you off, and you’ll never see me again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lena said again, never looking at her once. She hopped out of the car, slamming the door none too lightly.

In a split-second decision, Kara switched her car off and followed after her, keeping a safe distance between them.

They’d covered a block before Lena paused. She turned around, the yellow streetlights highlighting her clenched jaw and fists. “ _Stop_ following me.”

“Lena,” Kara sighed. She held her hands out placatingly. “My friend was just mugged here last week. It’s one in the morning, please, I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t know you’re home safe.”

“ _Fine_.” Lena shoved her purse at Kara’s chest and marched off. They walked for two more blocks or so before Lena climbed up the steps of an apartment complex, reaching for her purse.

“Good night,” Kara started, but the front door was already closing behind Lena as she disappeared inside, and she might as well have said nothing at all.

-

When Lena kicked her out of the club for the second time, Kara was filled with resentment. Not for Lena, but for her sister, Alex.

Kara felt her sister slipping away. Alex worked long hours, had a wife who was expecting, and barely had any time for Kara. When Alex asked her to go to the club, Kara felt it. She knew, she’d said no too many times, and if she did so again, Alex would stop trying. And then Kara would be right back there, on the orphanage’s doorstep, alone.

So, she went to the club. She opened herself up. She saw Lena- and she wasn’t the type to fall in love quick, or fast, or anything like that. So, it spoke volumes that when Kara saw her, and when Lena seemed to return the interest, hope sprouted in her chest again, after Kara had sworn it off for so long. Hope that she’d find someone, and be normal, and it would be easier for people, for Alex, to love her.

And then Lena rejected her, twice. Kara had left Al’s club that day with her heart pounding in her chest and her hands shaking. She should’ve known. Kara wasn’t meant for this. She wasn’t meant to dream of a person sharing her bed, or a family to call her own, no matter how much Alex wanted it for her. She just wasn’t built for that.

Then Lena came back, found Kara at her work. Kara didn’t let herself fall for it, at first. Lena was here to fuck, and that was that. But then, when Lena skipped to the bathroom for a shower, Kara had started cleaning up her things and shoving Lena’s spilled knick-knacks back into her purse. Her hands alighted on something quite large, and she wasn’t _snooping_ , really. It was an accident.

She needed to talk about it.

Her watch read 6:53 in the morning when she knocked on Alex’s front door. Her sister lived in a three-story suburban house with, like, thirteen windows. She went out for a run every morning before work and made sure to wake up early enough so that she’d still have time to eat breakfast with her wife.

Kara only knew this through phone calls. She never really visited before. Once, for her housewarming party, and then again for the wedding luncheon. Never after.

Alex flung the door open, shock clear across her sweaty face. Kara held up the two coffees and the bag of scones she got from Noonan’s on the way. “Can I come in?”

“Hey, Kara,” Alex said, slow, and stared at her, wide-eyed. She was never good at hiding her feelings. “What’re you doing here? Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just visiting my sister.”

Alex mouth startled into a grin. She stepped away from the door, letting her in. “Your sister’s really happy you’re here.”

Kara smiled to herself. The house was almost completely different than she remembered. There was newer furniture and more pictures on the walls. A giant picture of Kelly and Alex at their wedding greeted them near the door. Kara averted her eyes and followed Alex to the kitchen, where eggs were cooking on the stove. “That coffee better be black,” Alex teased.

“It is.” Kara handed it over, and they sat on the kitchen island, facing each other. “You stink, don’t you shower after you run?”

“Kelly likes it when I’m sweaty.”

“ _Ew!_ ” Kara pushed her away, nose wrinkling into a grimace. “Don’t ever say anything like that to me ever again.”

Alex laughed, the sound echoing a little throughout the house. She plated the eggs and put them aside, reaching for the bag of scones. “What’s up?”

Kara suddenly felt ravenous. She bit into a blueberry scone, wondering how to start this conversation.

“I knew it,” Alex said, muffled around her food. “I knew something was wrong. You never come here. Come on, what is it?”

They both glazed over the weight of it- _you never come here_. “Remember Lena?” Kara asked quickly, wanting to get as far from it as possible.

Alex furrowed her brows. “Should I?”

Kara sighed. She didn’t want to say it. “The stripper.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I wish I could forget, honestly.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “I saw her again.”

“You did?” Alex’s eyebrows rose with intrigue. “Did you go back to Al’s?”

“Well, yes, but this didn’t happen there.”

“What didn’t happen there? I hope you’re not about to say what I think you’re going to…”

“I wasn’t going to say it, _you_ thought it—”

Alex stuck her tongue out, emulating a gag.

“— _Listen.”_ Kara batted her hand away from her mouth. “I accidentally saw something I shouldn’t have.”

“Well, I assume you’re going to see stuff if you’re doing that…”

“ _Shut up_ about it. There was this file, in her purse. It was on the floor, so I picked it up and- turns out it’s a lawsuit.”

“A lawsuit? Now you’re talking. What for?”

“I don’t know. All I saw was the amount.”

Alex leaned in eagerly. “How much?”

Kara hesitated. It felt private, it _was_ private, but-- “Around two million.”

“Oh shit,” Alex whistled. “What’s her full name? Maybe we can google her.”

“I, uh, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You’ve had sex with her twice, and you don’t know her last name?”

“Only once! The other time was just hand stuff!”

“ _Ew!”_ It was Alex’s turn to shove her away, now, though Kara barely budged. “I thought she told you she didn’t want to see you again?”

“She did. But, I mean, I was thinking…”

“You’re not paying off a two-million-dollar lawsuit,” Alex cut in. She knew Kara too damn well. “You don’t even know this chick, or what the lawsuit is for!”

“Probably an asshole stepping all over her to stroke his ego.” Kara rolled her eyes.

“You don’t know that. She could’ve done something terrible, for all we know.”

“She didn’t.”

“How would you know?” Alex asked. “You never even had a proper conversation with her. You don’t know _anything_ about her.”

“Alex,” Kara’s nails dug into her palms as she spoke, a little angry at the incredulity in Alex’s tone, “I looked into her eyes and all I saw was- was…”

All she saw was two different shades of green and all she could think of was the emerald tablet. She looked into them and saw her own eyes, staring back at her, telling her that she was someplace she didn’t have to be, that she could get out, if she just _looked_. But Kara couldn’t say that.

“What?” Alex asked, softer.

Kara struggled to explain it, and the words she eventually found felt lacking. “I saw… myself. Alex, I think she’s like me.”

Alex took Kara’s hand in both of hers. Her hands were calloused, but her voice was soft. Kara missed her. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s the only thing I’m good at,” Kara sighed. She couldn’t describe what she was feeling if you gave her a dictionary. All she knew was- she needed to look into those eyes again. She just did. Even if her heart ended up tossed on the side of the road, oozing blood onto the concrete. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Don’t say that,” Alex scolded. “You know I hate it.”

“Sorry.” Kara looked down at their hands, lips tugging down. She’d deigned not to show Alex this side of her, the hopeless, lonely parts that raged inside her. And here she was burdening her sister with it, again.

Fingers nudged up her chin, holding it between finger and thumb. “You’re not paying off the lawsuit,” Alex told her sternly. “But if you can find another way to help her, do it.”

“Okay.” Kara was okay with that. She’ll find a way.

“I love you, you know.” Alex’s hand moved to her shoulder, squeezing. Kara covered it with her own, smiling back.

-

Kara found herself staying late at work, even when there wasn’t any work to be done. She sat at her desk and remembered how Lena sounded with Kara’s cock inside her and resisted the urge to jerk off at work like a horndog. She used the toilet and imagined Lena’s naked body as she showered. She thought about the lawsuit and what it could be for, and the rotten apartment complex Lena lived in. She thought of her eyes and her blue handkerchief that Lena carried with her and all the things that Kara didn’t know about her.

She also struggled to think of a way she could help without offering money on a silver platter. Two million dollars was admittedly too much to hand over to a stranger, and although Kara didn’t really know Lena, she knew she wouldn’t accept it.

The idea that came to her, sudden and out of the blue whilst she was sitting at her desk, was way too- the only word Kara could use to describe it was _salacious_. Kara tore herself apart about it for days, searching for another way to help in vain.

Kara’s eyes landed on the couch where Lena held her head in her hands as she cried. She opened her browser and typed in Victoria’s Secret to the engine, hesitating between each key she pressed.

Kara probably put too much thought into it. She spent over twenty minutes on the site, picking matching bras and panties carefully. She ended up with eleven pairs, and that’s her attempt to limit herself. She also added something called _Chantilly Lace Kimono Robe,_ one in black and one in red, because once she imagined Lena in them there was no going back, and then clicked on the checkout button.

The total came up to just over a thousand dollars. Kara arranged to have the order shipped to Lena’s address, and added a note. _Sorry about your underwear,_ she wrote, in careful cursive. _Please accept this. -K.D._

Hopefully, Lena would accept the gift, and come to see Kara after. If not, well, then Kara would go back to life how it was before that damn hand job and her dumb fake birthday. Go back to carrying the almost comforting weight of her losses like a badge of honor.

-

A day passed, then two. Kara drove to work and confirmed the magazine’s front-page covers and headlines. She delegated articles to reporters and locations to photojournalists. She went to a board meeting and sat through boring presentations with every type of chart known to man. The minute she had a free moment to relax in her office her mind went back to Lena.

On the third day, Kara stayed at work not in case Lena stopped by but because she actually needed to. In recent years, she had started testing the limits and boundaries of the National City Tribune. She wasn’t sure why she did it. Maybe she wanted to be known for something; for her name to be attached to a face that will leave an impact behind in the world. Proof of her existence. Maybe she wanted the opposite, to be pushed off by the board and to escape, fly off and never be seen again. She didn’t know.

Either way, this decision would push her towards one of the two. There was an article in the week’s spread that had a rather graphic image attached to it; it completed the article, delivered the message, but could lead to severe backlash. It might save lives. How could Kara not do it?

Kara wasn’t sure how long she spent staring at the article, deep in thought, unaware of being watched. When she broke out of her reverie and went to fetch herself a glass of water, she noticed Lena, lent on the wall leading to her office, arms crossed over her chest. She was in the same sweater as before, her hair tied up in a messy bun. She spoke before Kara could say anything.

“I know it cost you nothing,” she said, in an even, slightly accusatory tone. “To buy all that lingerie. I know it didn’t make a dent.”

“It didn’t,” Kara admitted.

Lena glared at her. “Why’d you do it?”

“It was… a gift.”

“For _what?”_

“For…” Kara panicked, hands waving, words escaping her. Lena’s fingers tap-tap-tapped on her arm, a rapid motion.

“Well, whatever it’s for, I appreciate it.”

“Oh,” Kara nearly melted into a puddle, so relieved she was, “you do?”

“Not nearly as much as I would’ve appreciated a meal.”

“Oh,” Kara said, _again_ , and then cursed herself. “Would you… like to have dinner?”

“Okay.” Lena picked up a duffel bag that Kara hadn’t noticed perched on the floor and turned around, just like that. Kara left the article and photo on her assistant’s desk to be sent to publishing and hurried after her.

-

Lena, to Kara’s muted surprise, led them to the Noonan’s just a few feet away from the National City Tribune. She ordered two donuts for herself, along with a cup of black coffee, then left Kara to pay while she chose a booth.

Lena stared at the plate with a ravenous gleam in her eyes. It was clear that she wanted to shove the donuts in her mouth like an animal- but she took one primly in her hand, instead, and tore off a small piece to plop in her mouth. The coffee she sipped in measured doses, as well, and Kara realized with sudden clarity that she was savoring a privilege she didn’t usually get.

There was a certain satisfaction to giving people who were lacking, but she was also unsure as to how to proceed. Kara almost wanted to stay quiet the whole time and let Lena enjoy the food.

Lena seemed to have other ideas.

“Did you imagine me in the underwear?” she asked, in between sips of her coffee, in a tone that belied the indecency of the conversation. “While you were buying them?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” Kara squirmed a little in her seat, trying not to show how out of her depth she was, “I thought you’d look good in them.”

Lena’s foot tapped the side of Kara’s shoe, once, twice. “I’m wearing one right now,” she said, a sharp, slashing eyebrow arched flirtatiously. “Can you guess which?”

Kara felt herself flushing up to her ears. “I don’t know. The um, red ones?”

“Hm, guess you’ll have to find out. Why don’t you take these to-go?”

Kara obeyed, trying not to rush as she took the donuts to the front desk and came back with them in a paper bag. Lena traded it for the duffel bag she’d been carrying around and led them out of the restaurant.

-

Kara hadn’t been anticipating any guests. There were clothes and books strewn all over the floor of her condo, blankets tossed on the couch, every surface covered with odd knick-knacks and the coffee table littered with containers of takeout from the day before.

“Wow,” Lena said, slow. “You’re a mess.”

“It’s not that bad,” Kara argued, faintly offended. She swiped the leftovers into the trash and made a vague effort to tidy up the place.

“Don’t clean up on my account,” Lena said. Her eyebrows seemed to be permanently raised, and she took a seat primly on the edge of the couch. “So,” she said, her eyes wandering the apartment while she sat. “Do you want to…”

Kara winced, scratching at her cheeks. She remembered how Lena’s fingers had chased the crumbs around the Noonan’s paper bag. “I’m actually kind of hungry. The donut didn’t quiet do the job. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Lena shrugged, “I’ll just be here.” She reached for the remote and laid back, legs crossing over the coffee table.

-

Kara wasn’t a great cook, but she did want to scrounge up something Lena would at least enjoy. Her fridge was fully stocked- frozen chicken and meat, fruits and vegetables, dairy products. Kara reached for two patties and slabs of cheese and hoped for the best.

Soon the condo was filled with the sizzling spritz of oil on the stove and the tune of Netflix’s animated logo bouncing onto the screen. A thread of anxiety wrapped around Kara’s ribs as she cut up some toppings for the burgers. She couldn’t curb her suspicion- Lena was acting unusual. Not a single snarky comment left her lips during the whole drive over. She was lenient to the change of plans and was watching television on Kara’s couch while Kara cooked- and maybe it was Kara’s self-destructive tendencies, or her disbelief that anything good could happen to her, but she was sure that the night was bound to go wrong in some way. So why not take it up to herself? She _had_ to ask about the lawsuit. The curiosity was eating her up inside.

Kara balanced everything on a tray and shuffled back into the living room, bending to set it down on the coffee table. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I brought a little bit of everything. Help yourself.”

Lena resisted for a while. She stayed in her place, hand on the remote, eyes set on the TV. Kara put some Jalapenos on her burger and bit into it. “What’re you watching?”

“Dexter,” Lena answered. “I’m in the mood to watch someone get brutally murdered.”

Kara paused, mid-chew. “Should I be concerned?”

“I’m not going to kill you, Kara,” Lena rolled her eyes. “You’re much too handsome for that.”

“Oh.” Kara chanced a wary glance at Lena’s stoic expression. “Thanks,” she murmured, and tried not to be doubtful of her kind words. “You’re also, uh—”

“You don’t have to complement be back,” Lena cut in, and Kara fell quiet. They watched in stilted silence, until Dexter gazed into a Krispy Kreme box and droned that it was ‘empty inside- like me.’ Kara snorted at the unexpected line, and a few moments later Lena reached for her glass of water, and then eventually her burger.

“So,” Lena said, after two episodes and two burgers each. “Do you want to…”

“I’m kind of tired. And stuffed. Sorry.”

“Okay. I should get home, anyways.”

“No!” Kara yelled, and then winced at the volume of her own voice. “It’s late. I have a guest bedroom. You can use it, if you’d like.”

“Sure.” Lena shrugged. Kara failed at appearing unintentional and nonchalant as she cleaned up their food and Lena failed at pretending to be miffed and uninterested as she waited, duffel bag over her shoulder. Kara pointed her to the guest bedroom and Lena disappeared inside, door locking with a click.

Kara went through her nightly ritual. She tossed her suit near the overfull laundry basket, brushed her teeth, changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas. She read a few lines from the book on her nightstand and then exchanged it for lying on her back, eyes closed. She tried to imagine what Lena must be doing, on the other side of the hall. Lying back, just as Kara was, on the soft, plush mattress. Her belly full, satisfied. Thinking of Kara, maybe. Thinking of the lawsuit, maybe.

She fell asleep on the right side of the bed, the book abandoned on the left.

-

Kara always woke up twenty minutes before her alarm. It was habit. At first, she was annoyed at losing the twenty minutes of sleep- by now, she’d come to enjoy it. She’d lay down, stuck in a limbo of wakefulness and dreams, and wait for it to ring. It was always the same thing. A baby blue dress, ruffling in the wind. A woman’s hand, holding hers. Happiness blooming in her chest like the field of flowers around her.

Kara cherished those twenty minutes. They were hers. Never interrupted. Today, however, sharp knuckles rapping on the surface of her door jolted her awake. Before she could answer, the knob twisted and the door opened to reveal a woman, standing in the doorway. Kara watched through half lidded eyes as she invited herself in, closing the door behind her. She came closer, and closer, and for a brief, foolish moment, Kara thought it was still a dream, a vision of her past. Something new.

Then Lena stepped into the faint light illuminating the room through the gaps in the curtain. She put one of her knees on the bed, the mattress giving in under her, and leaned in, pressing their lips together. Hers were chapped, rough, but felt good against Kara’s lips, and were the second-best thing to wake up to, easily.

“Do you want to?” Lena asked, for the third time, and Kara tugged her down on top of her, locking their lips together more firmly. Her fingers touched the baby hairs at the nape of Lena’s neck, the lace of the bra she’d bought her. Her lips touched her pink, pebbled nipples, and then her pink, soft entrance. The alarm blared while Lena’s throat was wrapping around her cock, taking as much of it as she could, and Kara threw it at the wall blindly to shut it up.

Then and there, it was decided. Kara didn’t need to find out about the lawsuit. She didn’t need to know anything. This was enough. This was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut here, though you bet your ass the next chap's going to make up for it. We gotta give Kara credit for successfully finessing Lena into having a nice meal and a good night's sleep. hope you enjoyed reading! Let me know what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

It didn’t take much to wake Kara up. She was already hard, the sheets tented around her. Her eyes were bleary, and she stared at Lena like she didn’t recognize her, but all it took was one kiss and it was like she hadn’t just woken up- but had come to life.

Lena took her hard length in the palm of her hand and guided it to her entrance, sinking down inch by inch. She was plenty wet from Kara’s fingers and tongue, so it was easier, this time, but the stretch was still a little painful, and a lot blissful. Enough to halt all thoughts from Lena’s head. 

Kara let out a hoarse gasp once she was fully inside, hips jerking up and then stilling. Lena started a slow, lazy rhythm. She closed her eyes and arched her neck, soft, breathy sighs each time she took Kara in again. Every once in a while, Kara’s hips bucked, seeking the warmth of Lena’s cunt as Lena drew back. Lena’s fingers clenched around Kara’s shoulders, waiting for the second thrust- but it never came. Kara bunched the sheets around her fists and watched Lena’s tits bounce and did nothing about it. 

“Is this your thing?” Lena asked, tugging at her hair. “Lay back and let someone else do all the work?” 

Kara’s fingers dig into Lena’s waist, eyes hooded and stuck on the bounce of Lena’s breasts. “If you want it hard,” she said, knowingly, “you have to ask for it.” 

Lena leaned down until they were sharing the same air. “I don’t think you can do hard.” 

Kara flipped them over, the air rushing out of Lena’s chest in a gasp. Kara thrust once, just one, before stilling again. “Ask for it,” she demanded, all steel and hard edges that had Lena gasping and squeezing around her length. She still searched Lena’s eyes, still managed to say _I’ll stop if you really want me to_ without ever uttering the words. 

“Please,” Lena whined, the word slipping out before she could stop it. All at once, Kara was everywhere. She pinned Lena’s hips to the mattress and thrust into her, kissed what little breath she had out of her. Her lips turned to teeth that nipped at Lena’s neck and she lifted Lena’s legs up onto her shoulders. The angle worked better; the stretch somehow both harder to bear and all the more delicious. Lena was reduced to strangled whimpers, to nails clinging Kara’s broad shoulders and wet mess dripping from between her thighs. 

“You’re so tight,” Kara whined, hips losing their rhythm, the base of her cock rocking onto Lena’s clit. The tone of her voice and her clumsy thrusts didn’t put Lena off- they drove her over the edge. Kara thrust one more time, nearly lifting her up from the bed, and followed suit with a painful sounding howl. 

Lena rubbed down Kara’s back, her cunt rippling to aid Kara along as her own orgasm tapered off. Her nails loosened their grip on Kara’s shoulders, fingers fluttering over the scars they left behind instead, and Kara took it as an invitation to slump her weight down and nose into her neck. 

Lena lost herself in it for a moment. She closed her eyes and basked in the warmth of Kara’s body, tilted her head and let Kara continue to press soft, wet kisses to her neck. 

Then the alarm blared again from where Kara had thrown it at the wall, and she remembered herself. “Shut it off,” she huffed, slapping at Kara’s back. 

Lena crossed her thighs, mourning the loss, and watched the play of the muscles on Kara’s back as she rolled off her, appreciated the curve of her butt as she bent for the clock. 

“I have to get to work,” Kara said, flushing at Lena, whose head was propped on her hand as she nibbled on her lip, appreciating the sight. “There’s a bathroom in your room if you want to shower.” 

“Thanks, darling,” Lena crooned. Kara flushed even brighter and paired it with an awkward wave, disappearing into the bathroom. 

\- 

Lena rifled through the kitchen until she found a decent pan and spatula. The pans were in the same cupboard she used to keep them in her own place, under the stove, and the coffee machine was an older version of the one she had before. She tossed eggs onto the stove and brewed coffee and it almost felt like she was back in her own condo, before all the crap that happened, getting ready for work.

Kara came in just as Lena had set the table. “You’re wearing the robe,” she said, with that dumb, awestruck look she sometimes adopted. Lena stuck her leg out of the slit, toying with the silk that held the front together. “Do you like it?” she asked, dropping her voice to that decibel that made Kara’s ears redden. 

“Uh, yeah, it’s- you look amazing.” 

“Good.” Lena perched on a stool. “You look…” an all-black suit, oxfords on her feet, a baby blue handkerchief, “the same as always.” 

Kara chuckled. She was always so solemn, serious, that when she smiled her entire face changed. Like it was unnatural. “I’m sorry I can’t stay. I’m already late for work.” 

Lena shrugged. “More for me.” 

Kara walked across the kitchen, still with that almost shy smile on her face. Lena put her mug down, staring as Kara came closer and closer until she was next to her, lingering a little too close.

“What’re you doing?” 

Kara jumped back, head snapping away so fast Lena could swear she heard her neck crack. “Sorry,” she muttered, a string of unintelligible words following suit. She backed away, thighs bumping into the wall, a cupboard, a coat rack. “You’ll let yourself out?” 

“Sure!” Lena raised her voice so that it would carry to the other side of the condo. Kara was already at the doorway, keys in hand. “Wait, I meant to ask you- can I use your laptop for something?” 

“In office!” Kara yelled. “Bye!” And the door closed behind her. 

\- 

Lena found Kara’s home office easily. It was the only room in the condo other than the one Lena had slept in, and the one where Kara did. She would’ve had a harder time believing Kara would just leave her in her home unattended, give her the opportunity to snoop in her study, but maybe Lena was done underestimating her naivety. 

The laptop was password protected. Of course, after rifling through some drawers, Lena found a sticky note with PASSWORD: p0ts1cKer5 written on it in bold ink. 

Kara’s desktop was just like everything else in her home. Messy, disorganized. There were multiple files, stray presentations and word documents, something that looked like a gaming engine that Lena would never touch with a ten-foot pole. She navigated the mouse through the mine trap, found the skype icon and logged into her account. 

The call was answered at the first ring.

“Lena!” Sam’s face covered the screen. She poked her head at the camera as if she could get closer to Lena through the laptop. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to ring you for months.” 

“It’s been a while,” Lena said. 

“A while?” Sam shrilled. “You should’ve reached out to me, I’ve been worried sick!” 

Lena locked her jaw. “I wasn’t sure if—” 

“Now let’s make one thing clear,” Sam said, narrowed eyes, stern finger pointing, and the whole shebang, “I didn’t, and I would’ve never, ratted you out.” 

Lena believed her. She’d waited anxiously for Sam’s name to pop up on the news after she’d been fired, for Lex to thank her alongside Andrea- but it never happened. 

Sam settled back into her chair until the walls of her office came into view. “I’m glad you called now. How are you?”

“It’s been tough.” The words were hard to say. Lena hoped that the camera quality wasn’t so good that Sam could see the tears prickling at her eyelids. Ever since she first cried at Kara’s office, it was like she’d opened the gates and couldn’t force them back shut. “I think I’ve been punishing myself, a little. But now I’m ready to fight back. I’m the only one who can stop them.” 

“What happened?” Sam asked. “The last time I talked to you everything was going according to plan. I had the papers ready; you had a meeting with the board—”

“Andrea happened,” Lena gritted out. The tears get sucked back in, replaced with so much _anger_. “She hijacked me, told Lex everything. He got one of his minions to spin the truth and sued me before I could say a word. The experiments are still going on, Sam, and I wasted so much time wallowing in self-pity—” 

“Hey, you’ve been through a lot. It’s okay that you needed some time to process.” 

“People are getting hurt,” Lena urged. “It’s on my hands as much as it’s on Lex’s.” 

“We will think of something, Lena. We need to regroup. Where are you right now? Not still in Metropolis, I hope.” 

“National city,” Lena told her. 

“Do you think I can visit? Ruby’s going to be at a sleepover this weekend.” 

If this was a week ago, Lena would’ve declined. But now, “Of course, I look forward to it. Thanks, Sam.” 

“Of course.” Sam smiled. “I’ll talk to you later.” 

The monitor blacked out as the call was disconnected. Lena felt lighter already, just knowing that she was preparing to take the first step. She leaned back in the chair, behind the grand desk, and let herself imagine it, hope for it.

But this wasn’t Lex’s desk. Not yet.

\- 

Lena spent the whole day inside. She soaked in Kara’s tub, raided her fridge, borrowed one of her sweatshirts (apparently Kara owned clothes that weren’t black, she just never wore them). She felt a little aimless, like she had no idea what to do with herself. She was done living paycheck to paycheck, she was done showcasing her body for money, she reached out to Sam and arranged their next meeting- in the meantime, what was she supposed to do? 

Lena found a vacuum and cleaned the whole condo from top to bottom. The dishes Kara used the day before were still untouched in the sink, so Lena loaded them into the dishwasher. She wiped the counters, arranged the bookcase in Kara’s office alphabetically, then according to genre, then alphabetically again. It was well into the evening by the time she was done, past the time Kara should’ve been home, though Lena knew she had a habit of working late. Lena grabbed one of the books and settled into the couch, trading it for Netflix swiftly. Her back was aching faintly from bending over so much, and it was making her think of an entirely different ache. 

Everything was going according to plan. Once Lena realized the intention behind the underwear, it was easy to play along. Lena would take up the veiled offer, stay at Kara’s place, play the role of damsel in distress in order to focus on getting her life back together. Kara was a means to an end- but now, despite Lena’s best efforts, she was looking forward for Kara to come home. 

Lena was making sure that she was always one step ahead- she’ll get what she needs, pay her back afterwards and leave. That was the plan. And for the plan to work, Kara had to like her enough to let her stay, so it only made sense for Lena to be a little nicer.

She couldn’t help perking up when the front door opened. Kara stepped in with a giant sigh, nearly flinging her keys into the plate next to the door. 

“Long day?” Lena asked. 

Kara jolted, blinked at her once, twice, as if divining her presence. “The longest,” she replied, heaving another sigh. 

“Sit down,” Lena told her, “I’ll get you a glass of water.” 

Lena wasn’t a monster. Kara looked paler than usual, a little shaky on her feet. A glass of water didn’t change anything. 

“Thank you, Lena,” Kara croaked. She sipped, experimenting, then gulped down two thirds of the glass in quick succession. “Did you clean the place?” she asked. 

“I couldn’t stand the mess,” Lena said, sitting down beside her. Kara didn’t even flush or flounder- she seemed too tired for that. She just nodded and tilted her neck back, eyes closing. “What has you so run down?” Lena asked, her hand finding Kara’s ear without her permission. She rubbed her thumb around the curve of it, the shallow groove just inside. 

“Work,” Kara muttered with a sigh. “I made a risky decision, and it’s kind of biting me in the ass.” 

Lena shifted a little closer. “Do you regret it?” 

“No,” Kara said. “Yes. I don’t know. That’s the problem, I guess.” 

“Okay. Well, do you think this decision helped people, or hurt them?” 

“Helped,” Kara answered. “Definitely.” 

“Then it was the right thing to do. You shouldn’t ever regret helping people.” 

“You’re right.” Kara smiled again, a sight that was becoming more familiar each day. Lena couldn’t account for the breath that got knocked out of her when she saw it, or the way she suddenly wished she’d let Kara kiss her that morning. “The Alchemist,” Kara said, before Lena could tear herself away, picking up the book and rifling through it. “You’re reading it?” 

“I picked it up from your office,” Lena told her. “Hope you don’t mind.” 

“No, it’s- it’s my favorite book. How far along are you?” 

“I haven’t started it yet.” 

“I look forward to discussing it when you do. It’s a great book.” Kara smiled at her, again, and Lena’s heart clenched. She couldn’t stand it. She didn’t want to be alone. She was one step ahead, and as long as it remained that way, there was no reason to be. 

“Are you hungry?” Lena asked, her head tilting in that flirty way she did without ever meaning to. 

“Starving,” Kara answered. 

“Come on, I’ll cook for you.” Lena helped Kara up from the couch and nudged her into one of the stools in the kitchen. 

“I can help,” Kara said, already halfway back out of her seat.

“You just keep me company, darling,” Lena said, winking at her, and Kara did flush that time. She sat back down, though she still insisted on helping cut the vegetables.

“How was work?” Kara asked. “Since I, you know, unloaded all that on you earlier.”

Lena busied herself with the oven, if only so that her back would remain towards Kara. “Actually, I quit.”

The knife made a loud noise against the chopping board. Lena turned back, worried for a moment for Kara’s fingers. “You quit?” Kara repeated, blinking up at her. “Why?”

You’d think Lena would’ve used all that alone time to think of an excuse. “Because,” she started, opening the fridge and rustling around it aimlessly, “I…”

“Did something happen?” Kara asked when Lena trailed off. 

“Just a misunderstanding with my boss,” Lena settled on. “Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your hair soon.”

“No, no,” Kara went back to chopping, “I don’t mind the company.”

“Me neither,” Lena said, and they shared a smile over the counter.

Everything was going according to the plan. That’s all it was.

-

Sam wrapped her up in a tight, long hug as soon as Lena opened the door. “Now, I know you can’t afford _this,”_ she said, gaping at the condo from over Lena’s shoulder.

“It’s not mine.” Lena rolled her eyes.

“I’m asking about this in a minute,” Sam warned, making her way inside and onto the couch. “Right after I say that I’m glad you’re okay,” she added, watching Lena with warm eyes. “We’re gonna get you out of this.”

“I’m not sure how we will, honestly.” Lena sighed. “We’ve already done all we can.”

“From the _inside_ ,” Sam said. “We tried to do it quietly. Now the only choice we have is to scream it from the rooftops.”

“We sell the story,” Lena said, quickly catching up. “But how? I’ve already been painted as a fraud; my name is blacklisted across every single publication in the country. Sam, even McDonalds wouldn’t hire me.”

It was a sore wound- but when Sam couldn’t suppress a laugh, Lena’s lips lifted despite herself. 

“I’ve had months to think about this,” Sam said, rifling through her case for a folder. “There’s a new CEO in the city. Look, just this year she’s published all these headlines.”

Sam put newspaper clippings down on the coffee table. “Exposing sexual allegations against the president, calling out the FBI for wrongful arrests and cover ups, and, just last week, leaked photos from Muslim concentration camps in China. There’s no way she wouldn’t jump at a story this important.”

“Who is she?” Lena asked, finger trailing over the text.

“Kara Danvers,” Sam said. “CEO of The Tribune.”

Lena dropped the paper. “ _Kara_?” 

“You know her?”

“Know her?” Lena laughed. “We’re in her home right now!”

“No way, you’re joking. You’re shacking up with Kara Danvers?”

Lena glared, but didn’t refute it.

“Wow. Does she know who you are?”

“No, she doesn’t really know anything about me. She’s a bit of an idiot- I had no idea about any of this.” Lena picks up one of the clippings, hope sprouting as she read the headline again. “I think I can get her to publish our evidence.”

“I don’t understand,” Sam said. “If she doesn’t know who you are, who does she think is in her home?”

“Look,” Lena huffed, “I don’t want to talk about this more than what I’m going to say right now, but when I met Kara, I was _temporarily_ a stripper at a club nearby.” Lena kept her eyes on the clipping, rushing to explain. “No one else would hire me, and I needed the money. I found out that she’s the CEO of the Tribune, I just had no idea about any of this. All I knew was that she’s rich and I needed help. I made sure she didn’t know who I was, then I quit my job and moved in here.”

It took a moment for Sam to respond. “So you’re using her?” she asked, her tone more accusatory than Lena cared for.

“I’m not using her. I need to get this done, and if I have to string one person along to save thousands of lives, then so be it.”

“That doesn’t sound like you,” Sam said. “It sounds like you’re doing to Kara what Andrea did to you.”

“Look, it’s not like she’s in love with me, alright?” Lena said, looking up to meet Sam’s eyes, her resolve hardened. “Just get me the proof. I’ll do the rest.”

Sam gave her a long look, but acquiesced. “Think about what I said,” she said, before leaving, hugging Lena close.

-

Lena sat on the couch and held The Alchemist in her hands, the letters reforming so all she could read was _you will be to Kara what Andrea is to you_ no matter what page she was on _._

Kara came home the same way she has for the past week. Her buttons undone, collar ruffled, pale. She put down her keys, running her hand through her hair as she turned- and her face lit up once she saw Lena. “Hey,” she said, sprawling beside her, “make any progress?”

Lena looked away. “I’m only at the beginning,” she said, “where the shepherd talks about his dream.”

Kara’s phone rang, interrupting her. Kara declined the call. “Does that ever happen to you?” she asked Lena. “Reoccurring dreams, I mean?’

Kara’s phone pinged with a text, and then several more in quick succession.

“You can get that, if you want,” Lena said, wary. “Sounds important.”

“It’s not important,” Kara said dismissively. “If you were the shepherd, if you kept dreaming the same dream,” Kara gripped Lena’s arm, her eyes sparkling with intent, “that a treasure was waiting for you below the pyramids, or above mount Everest, or, I don’t know, in Texas -would you try and find it? Would you abandon everything to go and look for it?”

Lena gaped at her, saved from answering by loud, rapid knocking on the door. Kara growled, jumping off the couch. “What?” she snapped, flinging the door open.

“Why haven’t you been answering my calls?” a woman demanded, bulldozing Kara aside, “And who the hell is this?” she asked, frowning at Lena.

“I can leave,” Lena offered- begged, nearly.

“No, Lena,” Kara said, seething, “stay.”

“Lena? The stripper? Really, Kara?”

“She’s not a stripper anymore,” Kara said- a ringing endorsement.

“So she’s just plainly mooching off you, nice. That’s better.”

“Did you come here just to insult me?” Kara hissed.

“I _came_ because you were the hot topic at work after that article you published today.”

“I’m just doing my job.” Kara paced away, rubbing a hand over her face.

“Maybe _too_ well,” Alex said, following her. “Your name is getting mentioned at work, Kara. You’re on the FBI’s radar. The board is on your ass. I’m not sure what you’re trying to do here.”

“I’m _trying_ to make a difference.”

“Kara,” Alex’s voice dropped to a pleading whisper, “you need to stop doing this. You’re not a lost little girl anymore. You have a job, you have a name, you have a family. Things have been good, why are you trying to ruin it?”

“It’s not my name,” Kara said, her voice shaking, her hands, too, the ice in the glass of scotch she’d prepared rattling. “It’s nothing. I’m _nothing._ ”

“You’re not nothing,” Alex said, stepping closer to her sister. “Don’t say that. You’re something. You’re my sister, you’re Kara Danvers.”

“That’s not my name,” Kara repeated, her eyes flashing with anger.

Alex sighed. “Kara,” she said. There was pain in her voice, the tough woman from before glitching to reveal a hidden sided. “Please.”

“I’m tired of pretending,” Kara croaked. “I’m tired of pretending I’m okay and falling asleep every night _suffocating._ I’m tired of pretending I’m who you want me to be.”

“I’m not asking you to pretend,” Alex said, sounding incredulous. 

“I’m not your sister,” Kara said, “and this isn’t my name, and _that wasn’t my birthday.”_

Alex stepped back. She opened her mouth several times, only to close it again when words refused her. “You don’t mean that,” she finally said, fighting back tears. Kara only stared back, unblinking.

“Okay. I’m not trying anymore.” Alex put her hands up, glancing at Lena on her way to the door. “Just so you know,” she said, looking back one more time, “I’ve always loved you like a sister, even when you didn’t.”

The door closed softly, but it resonated like an Earthquake, a storm, an explosion. Kara put down her glass, lurching away, and Lena had convinced herself that Kara would run down the hallway after her sister, apologize, take it all back- but she sped down the hallway to her room, throwing her closet wide open.

Lena followed after her, folding the book in her hands with nervous fingers. “Kara, what’re you doing?”

“I’m going to find them.” Kara said. She threw a stack of clothes into a duffle bag, bending to open a safe.

“ _Who_?” Lena asked. “What- what about your job?”

“I don’t _care_ about my job,” Kara threw bundles of money into the bag, zipping it up and trailblazing out of the room.

“Yes, you do,” Lena said, following behind her. “You care, I know you do.”

“You don’t know anything about me.” Kara unplugged her laptop and shoved it in the bag. “Sorry you had to see that,” she said, storming to the front door. “You can stay as long as you want.”

“Wait,” Lena yelped, before the door could close. She smoothed the book in her hands, running to get the duffle bag she always kept packed and ready to go at a moment’s notice. “I’m coming with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peep Kara referencing The Alchemist twice in previous chapters. I'm ngl i teared up a little while writing that Danvers sisters fight :( I'm curious to hear if you all have any idea as to what's going on, so let me know what you think :)


	5. Chapter 5

There were never any constants in Kara’s life.

At least, not as far as she remembered. 

She jumped from foster home to foster home, never truly belonging. She owned nothing. When the other kids prepared for a move they would pack their trash bags with ragged clothes, courtroom dolls, an odd trinket that was pristine and dear to them. 

Kara would only take the sticky note her mother stuck to her chest before leaving her. She’d put it there again, repeat it over and over in her head, and outloud, if she needed it- _Kara, Kara, my mother named me Kara._

And yet, when people asked for her name, Kara was reluctant to speak it. It was private, personal, a gift. The only person Kara wanted to hear it from was her mother, her real mother, the one that gave it to her, the one that danced in her dreams. Her foster families jumped at the opportunity to name her- they loved that Kara remembered nothing of her past, that they could mold her into whatever they wanted her to be. The second Kara felt her real name slip away, the second she found herself having to read it to remember, she found a way to leave. 

_Marley_ was gone when she kept talking to herself in the dining room, angry and loud and desperate. _Becky_ was gone when she punched a boy at her school until he bled from the nose. Now Linda, Linda was tough. She was gone only after breaking the Whites’ expensive dishes, spilling paint over their furniture, and crashing a bowling bowl into their TV. 

So, there were never any constants in Kara’s life. She didn’t have a birthday, or a bed that lasted more than a couple of months, or a childhood blanket she could hold onto. Except, she had a sticky note with her name written on it; and she had a dream. 

She dreamt of a field- of wheat, rustling in the wind. She dreamt of a field, and a blue, gauzy dress, and a hand on her cheek. She dreamt of her mother, over and over again, and each time it felt more real. Her voice, saying it- _I’ll come back for you,_ _Kara_. Her arms weaving through the air in a dance, her voice a melody, the prettiest sound. 

Kara _missed_ her. She didn’t remember her- but she missed her so damn much that tears spilled down her cheeks unbidden. She missed her so much that she never got out of bed so she could glimpse her skin in a dream, to hear her say it, _I’ll come back for you_ . She misses her, she always does, and she waited for her, for years, in that orphanage, waited until she was almost too old to wait anymore, waited until she had pushed everyone away, until she was so hurt that she felt _nothing_.

She was just at the edge of seventeen when the Danvers came along. Even then, it wasn’t about finding a place to live, or a family- if Kara hit 18, if she ventured out into the world all alone, with no record of her anywhere, how would her mother find her?

When the Danvers adopted her, she insisted on two things. The first was to be called Kara, so her mother could find her, and she kept the note to remind herself why; and the second was to be allowed to wear all-black clothing. As a teenager, she wore blue shoe ties, and now she wore a blue handkerchief, so that when she went months without dreaming, when she was afraid she never would again, it always helped her remember. 

Kara never asked for the third constant. She never asked for a sister who would become a thorn in her back as much as she was a crutch. She never asked to have a family that made her forget her old one. She never asked for a fake fucking birthday. 

“Where are we going?” Lena asked.

They were in Kara’s Mercedes, speeding up the highway and out of the city. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lena asked.

Kara pressed down on the pedal, the engine revving, their hair blowing in the wind. “Stop asking,” she said, begged, demanded, everything in between. “Stop asking.”

-

Kara drove until she was exhausted. She drove until her leg fell asleep and her tank emptied twice over. She drove until the pain distracted her from her fight with Alex.

Then she pulled over. Lena followed her wordlessly while Kara checked them into a hotel. She chose a single room, because she didn’t want Lena to be alone in a strange place and also because _she_ didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts. 

“Can I ask questions now?” Lena asked, hands perched on her hips, eyebrow cocked.

Kara sighed, dumping their duffel bags near the door. She sat on the edge of the mattress, testing its give. “I’m tired.”

“And I’m confused.” Lena disappeared into the bathroom for a moment, coming out with her toothbrush in her mouth. She’d been just barely fighting sleep in the car- part of the reason Kara had pulled over. She must be exhausted. Kara’s exhausted. “Alex, your sister,” Lena continued, “she was the one in the club, right? She said you were celebrating your birthday?” 

“That wasn’t my birthday,” Kara said weakly. She took off her shoe, wiggling her toes to revive her circulation. “I don’t have a birthday. I just want to go to sleep, okay?”

Kara didn’t look at Lena as she said it. She took off her other shoe, tossed her pants aside and laid down under the sheets. Lena stood there, for a long, quiet moment. Kara listened to her feet pad back into the bathroom, listened to the sink run and the rustle of clothing as Lena slipped into something more comfortable. The mattress dipped, and by the time Lena’s head hit the other pillow, Kara was well on her way into a fitful sleep.

-

Kara woke up while it was still dark outside. She had turned to face Lena in her sleep, but Lena was facing the other way, her midnight hair blending into the darkness. No dreams.

She woke up again when the sky had lightened, but the sun hadn’t risen still. Her knee was touching Lena’s back, absorbing her warmth, her closeness. It was enough.

Kara woke up a final time to a sunlit room and the distinct sound the pads of your fingers make on paper. She wondered where Lena was in the story. 

“Come have breakfast,” Lena said, her voice soft, entreating. “You need to eat.” 

Kara tossed the sheets aside, blushing when she realized that, having fallen asleep in only her shirt and underwear, there was no hiding her half-hard cock. She figured Lena had seen it all before, though, so she trudged towards the couch, shy and smiling tentatively. 

Lena looked so different from the first time Kara saw her. Her lips were a pale, natural pink- soft, inviting. Her hair gave into waves the further down it went, and her face was makeup free and glowing. In that robe, the one Kara had bought for her, the freckle on her neck giving way to one just barely visible above the collar, she still looked _sinful._

She’d ordered a fruit plate and waffles from room service, and thankfully, a cup of coffee that was still hot. “Can I?” Kara asked, and took a sip when Lena nodded.

“God, you’re stiff as a board,” Lena muttered. Kara nearly sputtered, putting down the mug to hide her erection, but Lena only poked at her shoulder, the touch turning to a caress. She dug her fingers in, massaging. “You should’ve let me drive.”

 _Oh_. Kara dug into the waffles, hoping to hide the flush of her cheeks.

“I didn’t mind. I wanted to keep my mind busy.”

Lena’s hand travels up, fingers fluttering over her ear and behind it, that place that Kara was almost never touched before Lena came along. 

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Kara said, trying not to nuzzle into the touch, ask for more. Everything felt raw, like a freshly picked scab, and she wasn’t ready to talk about it, because if she did, she wasn’t sure what would come out of her mouth. “I was rude.”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re going through something here, and I'm kind of intruding.”

“Why did you come with me?” Kara asked. It would’ve bothered her the whole time, if Lena thought- “You could’ve stayed at my place. I wouldn’t have kicked you out.”

“I know,” Lena said, rolling her eyes. “Always trying to be a hero. It’s just- it’s not good to be alone, when you’re like this.”

Kara went back to her waffles. She wanted to reassure Lena, tell her that she could go, leave Kara here, that she could fend for herself; but, selfishly, she wanted her to stay.

“You asked, yesterday, where we’re headed? We’re going to Krypton. It’s where I used to live, before the Danvers adopted me. Maybe where I was born, I don’t know.”

“You’re adopted,” Lena said, as one might after unlocking the secret code to a precious secret. “Me too,” she exhaled, maybe before she could stop herself.

“Yeah?” Kara turned to her, heart beating rapid quick in her chest. She knew it. She knew- she’d told Alex. _I think she’s like me._

Lena shook her head, tugging at Kara’s ear.

“So you’re trying to find your birth parents?”

Kara nodded. “Have you ever tried to?” she asked. Lena was always so closed off, she didn’t want the moment to pass, wanted to grasp the opportunity with both hands. “Do you remember them?”

Lena’s eyes flickered between sadness and something else, something Kara ached to know. “No,” she said, and then it was gone, just like that, replaced with a familiar wickedness. “You know, I bet I can take all of you in my mouth,” she said, her hand leaving Kara’s ear and cupping her through her underwear, fingers coaxing. 

“Lena,” Kara tried, pleading- but she knew, this is what she’d signed up for, when she’d let Lena slip into her bed and deigned not to ask about the lawsuit. _It was better than nothing,_ she remembered thinking, and it was just as true as a sentiment now. “No offense,” she said, switching gears past the twinge of longing twisting in her gut. “But I don’t think you can.”

Lena’s eyes flashed- and this, this was an emotion she always let Kara see; desire, plain and simple. As much as Lena was always the one to take the lead, she liked to be challenged, Kara knew. She slipped out of her robe, revealing pale, smooth skin, a trail of freckles disappearing under the fabric of her red lingerie. Kara remembered ordering the underwear keenly, but her fantasies held no candlelight to the real thing.

“Make room for me,” Lena ordered, pushing at the table that housed their breakfast, and Kara aided her. Lena slipped to her knees in the now free space, hands on Kara’s thighs, playing at the fine, wispy blonde hair. “Aren’t you gonna say _you don’t have to?”_ she teased, quirking an eyebrow up at her.

Kara shrugged. “You know you don’t.”

Lena hummed. “Off,” she demanded, pulling at the leg of Kara’s underwear. Kara obeyed, eager fingers hooking in the elastic and pulling it off.

Each time Lena saw her it was like she’d forgotten her size. She’d curse, a soft moan, her eyes glazing over. She licked her lips and Kara’s hand clutched at the armrest like a lifeline.

Lena was definitely the most experienced woman Kara’s ever been with. Her mouth learned Kara’s cock from the very first time she touched it, learning how to make her gasp and buckle like no one ever had. Lena licked a trail down Kara’s cock, until it pulsed to life, from half-hard to _throbbing_ in what felt like an instant.

And then she took it in her mouth. 

It was embarrassing. For all that talk about Lena not being able to take her all the way in- Kara was halfway to coming before Lena could even really start trying. Lena urged the shaft into her throat, making her whine, her fingers finding Lena’s hair to brace herself. 

Kara tipped her head back onto the couch, her thighs shaking. Lena licked at the spot where her shaft met her head, sucking a kiss into the sensitive skin and leaning up to lick at the precum that trickled out of her slit as a result. Her mouth was wet, warm, heavenly; and when she took it into her throat it was tight, slick, welcoming Kara’s cock as if it needed her just as much as Kara needed it.

“Don’t you dare come,” Lena said, mouth disconnecting with a pop, the fingernails of her spare hand digging into Kara’s thigh, “not until I’m done.”

“Lena, it’s too big,” Kara whined- and she wasn’t trying to be pretentious, or gloat, not when Lena had destroyed her in three minutes flat, but it was _true,_ no one had ever been able to take all of Kara before.

Lena ignored her, cheeks hollowed around her, sucking until precum dribbled down her length and made the ordeal easier. She urged the shaft into her mouth until she choked around her, and Kara waited, breath caught in her chest, watching through wide eyes as Lena’s throat bulged and shivered around her length. Lena breathed heavily through her nose for a long moment before taking more of her in, half of Kara’s length disappearing into her mouth.

“Lena.” Kara shivered, tilting her hips slightly in hopes of Lena making that noise again- and _she did_. Kara was instantly taken, and the idea of coming and bringing this to a stop was tossed aside. “Come on baby,” Kara urged, breathless, “take it all in. You can do it.”

Lena’s throat worked around her cock, but Lena pulled back, a trail of spit and precum connecting her lips to Kara’s cock before disconnecting. “Maybe you _are_ too big,” she heaved, whining a little, her chin coated with a layer of cum and spit, and squeezed her legs together. 

Kara moaned at the words, coming from _Lena’s_ mouth, and took her cock into her own hands, a balm to the throbbing, _aching,_ wet mess. Lena’s eyes were hungry, fixed on the vein that throbbed along its side. She looked the same as she did on Kara’s desk, when Kara had taken control and talked dirty, the same as she did in Kara’s bed, when she’d asked for _harder._ Kara tapped her cockhead against Lena’s cheek, moving it away before Lena could follow it with her mouth, experimenting, and Lena moaned, her hand curling around Kara’s knee. Kara’s head spun with it- she wanted to do it again.

“You can do it,” Kara encouraged, tearing her hand off and allowing her cock to stand freely between her legs. A high, breathy sound escaped from between Lena’s lips, and she leant forward to press a kiss to the light pink head, reaching for her shaft with both of her hands. 

Kara moaned, little sparks travelling up her spine. Lena took her back into her mouth, descending slowly down her length and up again, taking more each time. She gagged at the same spot as before, but barely took a second to recover before her mouth pushed forward again, sucking harder. There were still two or so inches left when she choked once more and had to pull back. 

She gasped, gulping in air, her eyes following Kara’s fingers as they replaced Lena’s mouth, her cock unable to withstand a moment untouched. Lena had just barely caught her breath when her head drifted again, aiming for the clear droplet leaking from the head of Kara’s cock, but she was stopped by a gentle hand weaving through the strands of her hair, the tender touch growing more confident when Lena blushed, leaning back on her heels and watching Kara’s hand stroked herself with rapt attention, squeezing along the length for what seemed like forever before reaching the head, cupping it with a groan before moving down again. “I can do it,” she told Kara, “I can take it.” 

“Yeah?” Kara husked, the beginnings of a promising idea spiking her arousal. “Still think you can take it?”

Lena squirmed in her place a little, uncertain eyes still watching Kara’s hand stroke herself. She was reluctant to admit defeat, Kara could see- she chuckled gruffly, running a hand through Lena’s hair. “I have an idea,” she bent down, tugging Lena’s hair to take her attention away from her cock. She pressed a gentle peck to Lena’s cum stained lips, the only time she was allowed to kiss her. “Okay?” 

Lena arched up, kissing her again and wrapping her hand back around her meaty length, feeling it throb furiously against her skin. “Anything.” 

“Okay.” Kara stood up, eager, her cock springing and colliding with Lena’s jaw. Lena tilted her head to envelop her back into her warm heat, and Kara groaned, her plans derailed as her eyes closed and her hands gripped the back of Lena’s head, keeping her lips in place around her cockhead. 

“Get it nice and wet,” Kara murmured, thrusting gently into her mouth. “You’ll need it.” 

Lena moaned, bobbing her head up and down. When Kara pulled back almost her entire length was slick and lubed up. Kara helped Lena off the ground and led her to their bed. 

“Lay on your back baby,” she mumbled, stroking her cock to spread Lena’s work down to the last few inches. Lena crawled onto the bed, moving to lay her head down on the pillow. “No,” Kara patted the sheets between her thighs, “here.” 

Lena’s eyes gleamed with understanding, and she shuffled until her head was in between Kara’s thighs, laying horizontally across the bed. Kara tucked her hands under her armpits and dragged her until her head was perched over the edge. 

Lena whimpered as Kara’s cock hanged over her face, her lips splitting open in a silent moan and dragging over the bulging vein curved along her width. Kara laid her palm across Lena’s throat, palming it and feeling it bob when Lena swallowed. “Is this okay?” she asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Lena mumbled, her fingers fisting the sheets as she tried to calm the hot flushing spreading through her body. “Really good.”

“Good.” Kara squeezed her throat once and took away her hand. Her cockhead dragged over Lena’s face as she shifted her cock, resting herself over Lena’s throat instead. Her thick head pointed down between Lena’s collarbones, a spurt of precum squirting over the bones at the mere idea of plunging so deep. “Fuck,” Kara groaned, thrusting her hips until they were flushed with Lena’s face, and then pulling back, mimicking the path she’d soon take in Lena’s throat. “Think it’d fit?” 

“I don’t know,” Lena whined, her cunt throbbing painfully. 

“Okay,” Kara mumbled, taking her length back in her hand. “Okay,” she said again, leading her cockhead to Lena’s lips. “You’re ready?” 

Lena nodded, whining as she arched her neck even further, licking out over Kara’s cock. Kara took her hands and perched them on the back of her thighs. “Tap me when it’s too much, okay? Show me.” 

Lena tapped her fingers over Kara’s thighs, ending with a caress over the soft, blonde hairs. “Good,” Kara put her hand back around Lena’s throat, her other hand hooking under her jaw to hold her still. She pushed the smallest bit in, her cockhead dragging over Lena’s tongue. 

Lena closed her mouth, sucking the few inches inside of her and swallowing the cum that spurted out eagerly. “No,” Kara shook her throat gently, tapping her jaw. “Open your mouth.” 

Lena huffed out of her nose, her fingers digging into Kara’s thighs in obvious displeasure. Kara wrapped her fingers around her throat more tightly, holding still and waiting until she opened her mouth again, her fingertips easing their grip on the back of Kara’s thighs. 

“Good girl,” Kara muttered, smiling as Lena whimpered and stuck her tongue out. The added cum along with the position allowed Kara’s cock to slip inside her throat easily. 

“So good,” Kara groaned again, slowly dragging her hips backwards and forward again, fucking her throat gently. Whenever Lena moaned her throat wrapped and unwrapped around Kara’s cock, massaging it between its walls, Kara’s mouth falling slack as wet, warm heat welcomed her in. 

Lena pushed her thighs and Kara pulled back immediately, mistaking it for a tap. “No,” Lena whined, pushing again. “I can take it, Kara.” 

“Oh.” Kara swallowed. “Faster?” 

Lena nodded, running her hand up to squeeze her ass. “Harder.” 

“Shit, okay.” Kara pushed back in, shoving her cockhead down her throat without preamble. Lena moaned, her back arching and her thighs squeezing together, and Kara splayed a firm palm over her chest and pushed her back down onto the bed.

“Be good,” she rumbled, and started a quick, hard rhythm, driving in just a little deeper each time. Lena crossed her ankles, fighting to keep herself still. Her breaths grew more ragged, finally tapping Kara’s thighs when she could no longer handle it. Kara pulled back, rubbing Lena’s throat as she drew in desperate breaths. 

Lena opened her mouth again, her tongue poking out and her watering eyes straining to meet Kara’s. Kara pushed herself in, groaning hoarsely as Lena’s throat bulged under her palm, her cock delving deeper into her mouth. She shoved her whole weight into the woman beneath her, each thrust making her breasts bounce, and before Kara could help it her hand trailed down to hold one in her palm, squeezing it gently. Lena gasped, her throat rippling around Kara’s cock, and Kara was helpless to do anything but thrust harder, whining when she realized just how deep her cock was reaching in Lena’s throat. 

The shaft disappeared completely, her hips colliding with Lena’s chin. Kara splayed her hand back over her throat and rubbed at the taut skin, coming with a shout, her body bending in half as she released abruptly into Lena’s mouth.

Kara’s hips twitched with vigor at the force of her release, thrusting still, but she pulled back when Lena made a gurgling noise, only for hands to palm her ass, keeping her close.

“Lena,” Kara whined, her legs shaking. Lena hollowed her cheeks, sucking her until she was dry, seizing her ass to keep her close. Kara draped herself over the mattress, dazed. “You did it. Crap.”

Lena chuckled, closing her eyes to catch her breath. They were face-to-crotch, Lena’s red underwear sopping wet and clinging to her cunt. “C’mere,” Kara urged, using the last of her strength to haul Lena over by her thighs. She kissed between her legs, over her underwear, moaning helplessly, and before long, Lena was coming into the fabric, hips twitching against Kara’s face, thighs trapping her head. 

-

Kara could not believe she’d done any of that. Told Lena to _be_ _good_ , came into her mouth. She can’t stop replaying it- her cock, draped over Lena’s face, her hand around her throat. Lena sucking her dry, every last drop. Kara was probably going to be constantly hard for the rest of her life. 

She opened the door for Lena when she went into the bathroom as if in retribution, and then again when they left their room, and again when she was getting into the car. She drove them to a nearby Krispy Kreme and helped Lena into her seat. “Kara,” Lena said, trapping her hand against the chair, looking up at her- it made Kara remember the morning all over again and flush. “You know you don’t have to pamper me all day just because I let you fuck my mouth, right?”

“Lena!” Kara hissed, looking around them.

“Oh, relax, nobody cares.” Lena rolled her eyes. Her hand, sneaky quick, moved from its place top of Kara’s and around her thigh instead. “Did anyone take all of you before?” she asked, still looking up at her.

Kara flushed, glancing from the hand on her thigh to Lena’s face to the freckle on the center of her throat. “No,” she said, gushing, “no one, ever. Only you.”

“Good.” Lena tapped Kara’s bulge, quick, settling in her seat and opening her book. “Get me some donuts, will you? You know the ones.”

Kara scurried to the counter, feeling like she had _Lena’s_ painted on her forehead for everyone to see. The waitress smirked knowingly, and Kara wondered if she'd heard, or seen, and didn’t quite mind the idea. She ordered the strawberry glazed donuts, the ones she knew Lena liked, and sprawled into their table with the food.

“Look who’s loosened up,” Lena teased, croaky and _hot_ , chuckling at Kara’s sheepish expression. It’s true- Kara was still anxious, but the knot in her stomach that had been _killing_ her loosened up just the littlest bit.

Kara stuffed her face, fixing her gaze to the plate to avoid Lena’s eyes, helplessly taken. “Thank you for coming with me,” she said, too raw, too honest. “I honestly don’t know if I could do this without you.” If it weren’t for her, Kara would’ve probably never gotten out of bed.

“You would’ve been just fine,” Lena said, her tease abandoned.

“Maybe.” Kara smiled appeasingly.

-

It took another twelve hours for a sign to appear, letting Kara know that they were 60 miles from Krypton. Kara’s hand clenched around the gear, and she had half a mind to bring the car to a stop on the side of the road. But she didn’t say all that _awful, mean_ stuff to Alex just to stop here.

“It’s not too late to go back,” Lena said, covering Kara’s white-knuckled hand with her own. Kara could tell she didn’t believe it.

“We’re almost there,” she croaked. She entwined their fingers, squeezing once, and let go before it could get awkward. It was a fine line between them, sex and affection.

“Why now?” Lena asked. “Why after all this time?” and Kara told her all about it- the note, the dream, the fake names, the fake birthdays. It spilled out of her, waiting, all these years, bubbling under the surface.

“I lost the note,” Kara said, tearful. She passed another sign without ever realizing. “I was so busy trying to get closer to Alex, I forgot my family. My real family.”

Her mother’s handwriting. The one physical piece of evidence that she used to _belong_ somewhere, once, gone.

Lena took her hand. She didn’t let go for the rest of the ride.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully, some things are starting to make more sense. thanks for reading everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

Lena was not one step ahead. 

No, she couldn’t catch up. She was miles behind, seas behind, continents and oceans and mountains, and she was running, swimming, climbing- but she couldn’t _catch up._

In fact, what was terrifying about it was that she _didn’t_ want to catch up. She was enjoying it. All the scenery, the wonder that is the world; that is the skylines and the water endlessly battling the sand and the rocks tumbling down the sides of cliffs.

The wonder that is Kara Danvers.

Kara, who opened her heart, split herself open and let Lena inside. Kara, who showed Lena all her nook and crannies, all the secret, hidden treasures that tourists weren’t allowed to see; tucked open a valve and said _this is where my hurt is_ ; split open an artery, let the blood soak her hands and held it out to Lena, saying, _this is all the things that have happened to me, changed me, made me bleed and bleed and bleed._

This is what Lena was afraid of. This is what she put up all those walls for. She didn’t want to know how good Kara was, despite how the world tried to taint her, ruin her, pain her. She didn’t want to care.

Lena was so, absolutely, irreparably, _fucked_.

Her hand was also absolutely, irreparably, fucked.

Kara’s hold had been tight before but the second they entered the little town she’d begun _crushing_ her. Her eyes were wide and her foot against the pedal was jerky, leaving people honking and glaring at them through their windows as they drove by.

“Why don’t we pull over?” Lena suggested, wincing as Kara’s eyes leave the road. She reached over with her free hand to steady the wheel. “Let’s just find a motel or something, alright?”

Lena used the gps app in Kara’s phone to find the closest one and quickly directed her there. Kara’s parking was frankly a disaster, and there was no chance they’d leave the next day without an angry note or two stuck to the windshield, but Lena didn’t have the heart to say anything. She took Kara’s hand and led her inside the well kept motel. 

While Lena didn’t get the chance to observe the town from the car, the motel was a good sign. There were no nasty splotches on the ceiling, no unidentifiable stains on the mattress. Their room had a couch and a bulky, late 90s TV. Overall, it was infinitely classier than the apartment Lena had lived in for the past few months.

Lena eased the duffel bag off Kara’s shoulder and the car keys from her death grip. She eased her fingers in between Kara’s to replace the jagged ends of the metal against her skin.

“Kara, it’s okay.”

Kara gulped, her wide eyes staring into Lena’s. 

“We can go back if you want,” Lena told her. “I’ll drive. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

“No.” Kara shook her head. Her fingers flexed around Lena’s determinedly. “No.”

They stood silently for a moment, hands entwined between them. Lena floundered for something to say, to offer. She was not well versed in the art of comfort. Lillian had pretty much just sent her to her room any time she showed signs of crying; but she knew what she would’ve asked for, if she had had the choice- to feel warm, if only for a short period of time.

“Why don’t you freshen up, I’ll ask for some tea or something, okay?”

Lena waited for Kara’s nod, then squeezed her hand and slipped out the door. A growing feeling of sickness gathered in her belly that only got worse and worse as Lena waited by the front desk for the tea. Caring was _never_ part of the plan. Lena never wanted to care ever again. She wanted to stop Lex and create things that will help the world. She wanted to live in a condo on the tallest skyscraper in the city, alone, and strut in her high heels and dark lipstick with so much confidence that people were fearful to approach her. She wanted her heart _safe._ Not like Kara’s, not open and trusting, not naive and helpless.

Back in the room, Kara’s stripped down to her undershirt and pants, playing with her handkerchief on the couch. She watched Lena as she put the tray down on the nightstand and poured a generous amount of milk in one mug and just a smidge in the other. 

“Come here,” Lena urged. Kara shuffled towards her. She looked uncertain, shaky. Lena wished she’d asked for an apple. She wished she hadn’t followed Kara here. She wished she wasn’t an asshole. “Take these off,” she ordered, tugging at Kara’s dress pants.

“I don’t wanna do anything,” Kara said meekly.

“I’m not trying to get in your pants, Kara,” Lena said. She guessed she deserved it. “Come on, I’ll…” Lena’s eyes caught her book, “read to you?”

Kara was silent for a long, prolonged moment. Lena was just about ready to take it back and probably hurl herself out the window when Kara started unbuckling her belt, revealing black boxer briefs. Before, the sight of more black would’ve had Lena rolling her eyes, but now the commitment just made her feel sad. Kara slid into the other side of the bed and took one of the warm mugs from Lena’s hands. “Did you put in sugar?” she asked her, lips hesitating over the rim.

“Yes, darling. Two packets.” 

Kara took a sip, her nose wrinkling. She pulled back with an accusing stare.

“Oh my god.” Lena tossed another packet at her. “You’re supposed to relax, not give yourself a sugar rush.”

Kara shook the sugar in, and Lena helped her stir it, her hand steadying Kara’s on the mug. Kara’s eyes closed as she took another sip, her lashes almost invisible in the fluorescent lighting of the room, and Lena picked up the book, leaning next to her on the headboard.

“Do you want me to start from the beginning?” 

“No, it’s okay,” Kara said, her voice lower. Warmer, Lena thought, as if it had been washed with the tea. “Pick up where you left off.”

It was odd in the beginning, reading out loud. The last time Lena had to do it was during boarding school. But Kara was obviously enjoying it, relaxing into the pillows, draining her tea, hiding her legs under the covers. Lena missed them immediately- the bronze, defined lines of her muscles, covered by a fascinating layer of the _softest_ blonde hair. Lena’s was coarse, dark, nothing like Kara’s. But again, she was nothing like Kara.

“ _Here I am_ ,” Lena read, “ _between my flock and my treasure, the boy thought. He had to choose between something he was accustomed to and something he wanted to have..._ ”

Sometime while Lena read her eyes began to strain, so she slid down the headboard, laid on her back instead. Eventually Kara fell asleep, and Lena put the book aside, too tired to get up and close the lights or scooch away from Kara. She woke up warm and a little stuffy, Kara’s arm around her middle, though she was convinced she’d somehow extorted the hold in her sleep. Kara’s breath fell hot and heavy on the nape of her neck, her leg, heavy and warm, thrown over Lena’s.

The anvil of guilt came back with a vengeance, falling and taking Lena’s stomach with it. She quickly unlatched Kara’s grip, swinging her legs off to the side of the mattress.

“Whah?” Kara mumbled, rising sleepily to her elbow, but Lena scurried to the bathroom before she could say another word. She splashed her face with cold water that jolted her no more than waking up in Kara’s warm hold had, and stayed in the bathroom for a long, long time, staring at her bare knees as she sat on the toilet.

“I’m sorry,” Kara said once Lena finally emerged. She was still on the bed, looking apologetic and meek. “I didn’t mean to… I don’t know how--”

“It’s okay,” Lena interrupted her. She crossed her arms behind her back and leant against the bathroom door, regarding Kara across the space. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah, I feel better.”

Lena smiled at her, and Kara’s cheeks scrunched and her eyes squinted shut as she smiled back. They got ready in a comfortable sort of silence, one where neither of them talked but they both felt less alone. 

When it was time to change, Kara hesitated, glancing at the bathroom with her shirt in hand. Lena felt her eyes on her as she tossed her sweatshirt aside and shucked her pants down her legs in clear view, and then Kara followed suit, her arms flexing as she took her own shirt off.

Lena glanced discreetly at the lean muscles of her stomach, the fine blonde hair that led down from her belly button, almost transparent, and so, so soft, Lena remembered keenly. They accidentally met eyes, matching red tints to their cheeks.

Lena tugged at Kara’s black shirt. “I like you like this,” she said, meaning Kara’s sweatpants, her bare arms, the way her hair was still annoyingly perfect while Lena’s had gone fluffy and messy from the pillows.

Kara looked down at herself. “Wow, thanks,” she said, smiling. 

“There’s one thing missing though,” Lena added, swiping through her duffle bag while Kara watched with curious eyes. She came up with the baby blue handkerchief Kara had given her the very first day they met, folding it carefully and tucking it into Kara’s pocket so that it was still visible. “There.”

Kara’s lips twisted into a cruelly sweet, affected pout. She looked like she was a second away from wrapping Lena in the sweetest, softest bear hug. Lena looked away, tapping Kara’s chest once. “Let’s go.”

Kara informed the woman behind the desk that they were coming back later, and Lena waved from her place behind Kara. The air outside was fresh and clean in that way towns always were, and Kara looked exceptionally attractive as she threw their bags inside the car, her biceps in clear view to be admired.

Lena lowered the window and let the breeze ruffle her hair. The two parts of her warred- the part that wanted Kara back in National City, the certainty that she wouldn’t lose her job and could help clear Lena’s name and bring the truth to light, and the part that was in agony over how broken Kara really was when Lena had thought her perfect and treated her so badly. She couldn’t imagine it, not knowing yourself to such a deep extent. Lena had a name she didn’t want, and Kara didn’t know what hers was.

Despite everything, Lena wanted the latter part to win. She wanted to have hope again, she wanted to have compassion and be kind, just like Kara was, even when there was the possibility of pain, even when it could all blow in her face. But for now the former won, and Lena’s heart was safest, albeit racked with guilt, thinking of this as a mission.

They drove further into town, through streets of well kept, architecturally pleasing houses, with parks and shops and even a museum sprinkled about. Sunlight washed over the entirety of it, giving it a sort of ethereal glow. Lena supposed she expected it to be dark, eerie. It didn’t look like somewhere Kara was abandoned.

“Where are we going?” Lena asked.

“I thought we’d go to the orphanage. Maybe they know the field where my… mother left me.” Kara’s hands squeezed and unfurled around the wheel in quick succession, almost as if she’d broken down and put herself back together all at once during the span of that one sentence. “Or anything about her, really.”

That was Kara’s plan? Go back to the place where she was abandoned and, what, hope there was a stray hair left there twenty years ago that she could run through for DNA?

“Sounds good,” Lena said.

-

In Krypton, most of the residents chip in to sponsor the orphans until the orphanage can find a foster home for them. “Most of that money was used to feed us,” Kara said. “But we each got fifteen dollars allowance a month.”

“What did you use it for?” Lena asked.

“I’d put some dollars aside for candy. There was this apple bubble gum that I was obsessed with. Man, I can just taste it right now.” Kara licked over her lips, unaware of how diligently Lena followed the moment. “And I’d use the rest for a newspaper ad. It was only ever one line, and I think the people there felt sorry for me, so they let me do it cheap. It’d just say variations of ‘Kara’s waiting, Mom.’ I never knew her name. It’s not like she’d know, if she saw it. There’s lots of Karas and lots of moms.”

“Yeah,” Lena said softly. 

The orphanage, when they got there, looked nothing like Lena expected, in that it wasn’t a looming, dark, broken house. It made sense, in a way. Sure, this was the place where Kara was abandoned, but it was also the place that made her what she was today. Beautiful, hopeful, intelligent. All of the goodness in the world.

They met in the front of the car, looking up at the building. It was big, two stories, with bland beige walls and a few windows. Lena should start calibrating her expectations. “Is it like how you remember?” she asked.

Kara was quiet for a moment, eyes squinting through the glare of the sun. “They repainted the walls,” she whispered. 

Lena hoped it was a happier color, when Kara lived there. Blue, maybe. 

“Okay,” Kara heaved out, climbing up the small set of stairs that led to the front door. She rang the doorbell with a pointed finger, then knocked on the door for extra measures.

“I can stay out here if you want.”

Lena took a small step back, but Kara darted for her hand before she could get away. She let go immediately, wiping her sweaty palm on the fabric of her sweats.

“Do you mind coming in with me?”

Lena had wanted to remove herself. She’d wanted a moment to breathe anything other than Kara’s scent. She didn’t want to be there when Kara was sent away with nothing, not even a crumb. But Kara was looking at her with that stupid, dumb, endearingly nervous face, so “No, I don’t mind,” she said, and waited restlessly for the door to open.

A short, white old lady in bright purple clothing appeared at the doorway. She didn’t say anything, taking one look at them and then ducking her head to reveal thin hair, greying at the scalp, her bony hands busy scrubbing her glasses with the fabric of her shirt. Lena looked towards Kara, waiting for her to do _something,_ but she stood stockstill and white in the face, and the silence went on until the woman finally put on her specs, her eyes going wide open.

“It _is_ you,” she said, reaching for Kara’s face with both hands and then pulling her in for a hug. “I remember you, I remember all my children. And who’s this?”

“This is my,” Kara glanced at Lena, floundering momentarily, before finally landing on a word, “friend, Lena. Lena, this is Ms. Davis.”

The lady pulled Lena into a surprisingly strong hug before Kara could even finish introducing her. Between that and Kara calling her her _friend,_ Lena was seriously considering getting back in the car and driving off; but her feet kept her rooted to the ground, for some reason. (Lena was keenly aware of the reason why).

“You’ve grown to be such a fine young lady, my Kara,” Ms. Davis said as she led them into the house, the beginning of a long series of compliments.

The house was oddly quiet. Lena supposed all the children were at school, but it was also odd in a number of different ways. The floors shined glossily, and they passed a room that was filled with bags and bags of fruits, and the walls were empty except for a framed photograph of the president. 

“She used to be a favorite among the children, you know,” Ms. Davis gushed, squeezing at Kara’s bicep and holding onto her as she led them up the stairs. Lena quirked a brow at Kara, who ducked her head, floundering under the attention. “These children, they fight over everything. Clothes, dolls, families. But Kara never wanted for anything. She just let them have whatever they wanted.”

Ms. Davis led them to a room that was cramped by a massive oak desk. In stark contrast to the outside, the tabletops were lined with framed photos of who Lena assumed were the children living in the house.

Kara sat on the little plush chair in front of the desk and Lena sat on the identical one next to it. Ms. Davis picked one of the pictures up and showed it to Lena, who ran a finger over it before she could stop herself. It was a photograph of a little Kara in glasses, smiling halfheartedly at the camera. 

She didn’t know Kara wore glasses. Although the sight of it should’ve been unfamiliar, it tugged at something inside her, like she’d seen it somewhere before. But Ms. Davis kept talking, praising Kara endlessly, and the insatiable desire to reach across and feel Kara’s red ears under her fingers snuck up on her and obliterated any other thought in its path.

“The only thing she wouldn’t give up was that allowance, no matter how much the children begged her. I suppose she made up for it, though, with all the money she’s donated. Still a favorite amongst the children, even now.”

“It’s nothing,” Kara interjected. “I have more money than I know what to do with nowadays.”

“It’s not nothing,” Lena and Ms. Davis said at the same time. “You’ve done an incredible job,” Ms. Davis continued, sending a pleased look Lena’s way. “All those amazing articles. I read all of them, you know, on the Google.”

“Oh, thank you,” Kara said, smiling in earnest now. “I really like doing it.”

“You’re staying for lunch, aren’t you?” Ms. Davis implored. “The children will be delighted to meet you, and I want to hear more about your fancy life in the city.”

Kara’s jaw worked helplessly, and Lena took over, knowing if she let Kara take the lead they’d end up sleeping over, somehow. 

“Actually, we came here because Kara has a few questions. Important ones. It’s about her birth parents.”

Ms. Davis’ face didn’t fall, not exactly; it remained passive in a perfectly controlled way that did not bode well. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”

“My mother,” Kara blurted, like the words were just waiting to be let out, sitting at the tip of her tongue. “She left me in a field, right?”

“We don’t know that it was your mother, sweetie,” Ms. Davis said carefully. “But yes, we found you in a field.”

“Do you know which one?” 

“I’m not sure. We have a lot of farms ‘round here, as you know. I suppose it could’ve been Mr. Johnson’s, but it could’ve been any of them, really. Why do you ask?”

Kara slumped into her chair, her bottom lip jutting out. She always wore her emotions on her sleeve, as if they took a hold of her completely and utterly, and her disappointment was clear as day.

“I know you said you didn’t know anything about her,” Kara said to Ms. Davis, her eyes were fixed on a stack of files on the desk. “And I don’t know if that was true, or if you were trying to protect me, but I’m older now. I can take it. Anything, please.”

It was quiet for a long, long time. Ms. Davis stared at Kara and Kara stared at the desk and the clock kept ticking. Lena wanted to climb into Kara’s lap, bundle her up. She wanted to snap at the old woman behind the desk. _If you have nothing to give her_ , she wanted to say, _just tell her that, plain and clear. Don’t keep her waiting._

“You were always very special,” Ms. Davis finally said, though it was clearly not what Kara wanted to hear. “Always holding on to that little note, waiting for your mother to swoop in to take you back home. You’re not the first kid to come back looking for answers, you know. I always tell them the same thing I’m about to tell you now: there’s beauty in letting go. God intended for things to turn out this way, so you can start your life all over again. A better life.”

“Okay,” Kara said tonelessly. “Thank you, Ms. Davis. I wish I could stay for lunch, but I have to go.”

“Kara, I didn't mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Kara said quickly. She stood up, tucking her hands into her pockets to hide the way they trembled. “Thanks again, Ms. Davis.”

Kara pressed a quick peck to the woman’s cheek and escaped the room before she could interject. Lena stood up too, her face stuck in a perpetual grimace. 

“You take care of her,” Ms. Davis said. “A kid like her, there’s something dark in her past. Eight years old, she was, and she didn’t remember anything, not a lick. Nothing good can come from digging up all that muck. You take care of her, alright?”

Lena wasn’t in the business of making promises she couldn’t keep, so when she nodded without second thought, when she started thinking up ways to lessen Kara’s hurt even before she’d left the room, she knew something had changed inside her. She didn’t know what, yet, and she was too preoccupied to analyze it, but something changed.

Kara straightened up from where she’d been leaning against the car, sending Lena an unconvincing smile. The heartbreak was clear on her face.

This time, cheering her up came a little easier. “You’re always buying me stuff,” Lena said, procuring a wrinkly twenty dollar bill from her pocket and smoothing it out. “What do you say I treat you with that bubblegum you’re so obsessed with?”

-

“I can’t believe they still have these,” Kara said, chewing the bubblegum so furiously Lena could swear she heard her jaw creak.

“They’re so good,” Lena moaned. “I almost want to swallow it just so I can have more.”

“I know right?” Kara mumbled. A curious blush spread up her cheeks, slowly making its way to her ear. Lena hid her smile behind a wrapper.

The sun was bright but not constricting, Lena was hungry but not in the painful, empty way she used to be before Kara came along, and there was nothing dangerous about being here with Kara right now.

“I told you I was adopted, right?” Lena asked.

“Yeah,” Kara said, almost cautiously. She didn’t look at her, instead feigning casualness as she stared across the street. Lena had pushed her away so many times that Kara just expected it to happen again.

“I was five,” Lena continued. “I don’t remember much about my mother, my real one. But I remember the last time I saw her.”

Kara turned to her, then. “You don’t have to.”

“No, I want to. We… we used to live near the beach. We didn’t have many neighbours, but I liked it that way. Just me and her.”

She’d never spoken about her mom before. Lionel prohibited it, Lillian hated it. Lena realized that she’d been doing exactly what Kara described before- molding herself to fit the shape her new family wanted her to be. But Alex was kind and told Kara she loved her and celebrated her fake birthdays, and the Luthors were cruel and never failed to remind Lena that she wasn’t really their own.

Kara touched the back of her hand, smiling encouragingly. Lena took a deep, steadying breath.

“I hated going to school. I threw tantrums every morning and cried all the way to the bus, and I guess she got sick of me, so we made a compromise. She’d take me to the beach every morning, and I would go to school without putting up a fight. I didn’t even like the water, you know. I just wanted to build sandcastles and go back the next day to see how the water washed them up, and watch how peaceful my mom looked floating on her back. So, my mom would go out to the water, and I'd sit on the sand, and then one day, she- she must have been so tired, but she still- still took me. She swam out while I watched from the shore, and she… she never came back.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispered.

“No, you don’t understand,” Lena pulled her hand away, replacing Kara’s gentle touch with her nails. “She didn’t just not come back- I _watched_ her. I watched her splashing in the water and _drowning_ and I just sat there, watching.”

“You were just a kid,” Kara told her furiously. “You couldn’t do anything.”

“I could’ve screamed for help,” Lena said. “I could’ve ran and used the lifeguard siren. I could’ve not been an asshole that morning. I could’ve done so many things.”

“You were just a kid,” Kara repeated vehemently. Her eyes were wide, blue, worried. “You didn’t know.

Lena wasn’t crying, her voice wasn’t trembling. She had no idea what compelled Kara to feel so much on her behalf. 

It occurred to Lena in that moment that, if she confessed everything and put it all on the table, it wouldn’t be too late to be forgiven. 

Yes, she didn’t want to care about Kara. Yes, she’d wanted her business done and her duffel bag ready to go. But by now, she was way beyond not caring. 

And Kara would understand. She’d want to help Lena just like Lena wanted to help her. That was just the way she was, and Lena won’t be another Andrea, she won’t ruin another person’s hope in the world, in humanity. She won’t betray Kara like Andrea betrayed her.

It wasn’t too late.

“That’s not the point,” Lena told her. “The point is, there’s no reason why I wouldn’t remember her. I know I have these memories, sometimes I dream of them, little flashes. Sometimes I'd smell something and I could swear it was her perfume, or the shampoo she used. But I think I made myself forget. I made myself forget because I just couldn’t handle it. If i remembered all these things, I don’t- I don’t know what I would’ve done to myself.”

Kara wiped at her own cheeks, her bottom lip curving down, so deeply it was almost comical. So different, they are. Lena, who felt nothing at all, and Kara, who felt everything so much that she could never hide it.

“You can keep looking,” Lena told her. “But I don’t know how much you’re going to find here, Kara. Or you can go back home. Either way, I'll… I’ll be with you, okay?”

Kara’s eyes flickered between hers, and then flitted to her lips- and if she were to kiss Lena, at that moment, Lena would let her, she’d let her kiss her as soft as she wanted or as hard as she wanted for as long as she wanted, let her suck that apple flavor the bubble gum left behind right off her tongue. But she must’ve been rejected one too many times, because Kara only nodded, and helped her up from the floor.

“I need a nap.”

Jesus. Lena never took so many naps before she met

Kara.

Another perk.

-

Lena slipped into bed feeling so emotionally drained that she couldn’t imagine how Kara must be feeling; but she woke up so much lighter.

It didn’t change anything, but just saying it, admitting it, sharing it, lifted a weight that had been sitting on her chest for years. It would never leave, Lena knew. It would always be there, just like her mother will always be gone, but it made it easier. Kara made it easier.

They connected, despite Lena’s best efforts to keep Kara at arms length. Lena’s been with Kara at her most vulnerable, and Kara at hers, and it wouldn’t ruin Kara if she betrayed her, Lena doesn’t think- Kara is strong and resilient and everything Lena isn’t, and she’d recover no less than who she was before -but Lena couldn’t take that chance, wouldn’t. 

Kara was a heat missile. Their first day sharing a bed she'd thrown her leg over Lena’s, and the time after that she’d tossed an arm across her abdomen, and now she was holding her so close it was like she was begging Lena to help keep her together.

The arm pulled her close, a hum building in Kara’s throat before she seemingly realized what she was doing. She tried pulling her arm away, but Lena held on to it and kept it in place. 

“It’s okay,” Lena whispered.

Kara remained stiff, an air of confusion around her still half-asleep mind. Slowly, her head returned to the pillow, then even slower still, her arm pulled Lena closer again, and she softly nuzzled her face into the back of Lena’s head.

Lena ignored the first rumbling of Kara’s stomach, and the second, but then it kept at it, and Lena had to make a phone call, anyways. “You should go get us lunch,” she whispered. Despite what she’d said, her hands ran up Kara’s arm, feeling the faintest of hairs and holding it closer to her tummy. 

“In a minute,” Kara murmured, her breath falling warmly on the nape of Lena’s neck.

Kara’s arm around her wasn’t suffocating, it didn't stir guilt in Lena’s stomach; instead, it gave her hope. The possibility of admitting her truth and having Kara turn her away didn’t escape Lena’s mind- never escaped it, holding her hostage this whole time -but Lena was ready to take that chance. Andrea and Lex betrayed her, but Sam didn’t. There was light that battled darkness and Lena chooses to be the light.

Kara eventually got up. She was still downtrodden- cuddles weren’t enough to fix everything, but they were enough that she had a dim smile on her face. She left her phone willingly when Lena asked to use it.

“Remind me to buy you one,” she’d said, winking, looking incredibly surprised and pleased of herself when Lena ducked her head, feeling a blush coming on and so _embarrassed_ about it.

Lena dialed with buzzing fingers, her heart galloping in her chest. “Sam, you were right,” she rushed into the phone. “I’m not in National City, it’s a long story--”

“Lena--”

“Okay, at first It was to make sure Kara didn’t lose her job,” Lena explained, even though Sam probably had no idea what she was talking about, she just needed to hear herself _say it, “_ but now I really do want to help her find her parents, even if it doesn’t give to anything, and I realized I don’t want to be like Andrea. I don’t want to use people because I know how that feels and it would just make me feel worse to do it to someone else, to do it to _Kara,_ so I’m gonna come clean and--”

“ _Lena_ ,” Sam interrupted sharply. “Listen, there’s been some serious development here.”

“What?” Lena stopped rambling promptly. “About?”

“Andrea came through. She came through and she came up to me with what we could never get before- _solid proof.”_

Lena sat back on the edge of the bed, hand against her beating chest. “But why would she do that?

“She apologized for everything and-- I don’t have time to explain right now. All you need to know is that it’s real.”

“No,” Lena shook her head. “It has to be some kind of trick or trap or, I don't know. There’s no way.”

“Lena, she gave me a list of names and photos of every test subject since the very beginning.”

“Are you serious? Are you sure, did you verify--”

“I know she’s sketchy and I’ll tell you everything when you get back but this is real, Lena. She even tracked down one of them, and the FBI are setting out to find the rest. This is real, but we need you back here. They want to talk to you.”

Laughter bubbled out of Lena in a fit of relief. Everything was coming together so perfectly, and she might not even have to ask for Kara’s help with any of this. She can make it right. 

“I can’t believe it,” she said, speaking to herself more than she was to Sam.

“I know."

There it was, the key to bringing all of this to an end, and Sam sounded like she was delivering a eulogy.

“Why do you sound like that?” Lena asked warily.

Sam sighed. “I don’t know how to say this.”

Whatever it was, it couldn’t be so bad that it negated the proof, the idea of Lena getting her life back together becoming reality; of having Kara to keep. 

“Just say it. I can handle it.”

“Okay,” Sam said, and then paused long enough that Lena had to check whether the call had disconnected. “I didn’t know you left, so I went to Kara’s apartment to tell you about all this, and I saw her sister there. She told me she was FBI, and I was going to do it with you but since you were gone I went with Alex to the station and gave them everything we had. Alex had the first look at everything and she, she...”

“ _What,_ Sam?” Lena asked, struggling to land on a single emotion- she’d gone from contentment and surety in Kara’s arms, to the rush of relief and surprise from Sam’s news and now, fear, apprehension, the sense that the rug was about to be pulled from under her and that everything was about to change. 

“Lena,” Sam said, pausing again so that Lena wished she could reach through the phone and shake it out of her. “She recognized Kara from one of the photos.”

“No,” Lena whispered. “You don’t mean…”

“Kara was a test subject.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretend i haven’t been gone two months just to come back and do this to them


	7. Chapter 7

Kara felt as small and lost as the day she woke up in the orphanage, as if she’d gone back in time, as if she was a little girl crying that her mother was waiting for her at the field, that she was there,  _ please if you go and check she’ll be there,  _ only to be told that she was all alone.

It all weighed on her so heavily. She was not ready to give up and go home and, simultaneously, wanted nothing more than to rush back and ask Alex to  _ please forgive her _ . And yet, wasn’t this place her home? The home where her mother promised to find her again, as if asking her to wait for her without forthrightly saying it? Kara broke that promise once before, and she would be breaking it all over again.

And for Ms. Davis to insinuate that this was what the universe, god, whatever, planned for her- life seemed so unfair and constricting in that moment that she wasn’t sure what she would’ve done. 

But then Lena left after her, and… no one’s ever made it better, like Lena did. She’d made it better after Kara had published that article, and she made the ride here easier, and now she helped steady Kara when she was faltering.

She should get used to promises being broken, and to people leaving.

Kara sat on the bed with her phone in her lap, and the weight of it all returned with a vengeance.

All her life she’d been sure of one thing- that her mother left her in a field with a sticky note bearing her name stuck to her chest. Now Lena’s left her with a single worded apology on a piece of paper and documents on her phone that washed that belief to the ground.

-

Kara stayed in Krypton for another four days and traded the apple bubble gum for packs of cigarettes. The last time she smoked was when she was fifteen. She was in the bathroom of a foster home, had towels tucked under the door and candles all over, and she’d been so preoccupied with how horribly it tasted that she startled when she realized that her headache had vanished with the smoke. She slumped against the sink and revelled in it, the calm, the clarity. She recognized that it was something she wouldn’t be able to let go off, so she stopped immediately.

It still tasted horrible, and it felt hot, and it was uncomfortable trying to hold the smoke in her lungs and breathe at the same time. Kara went to every field in Krypton, taking deeper and deeper drags until she felt ill and dizzy, starved of oxygen. They all looked the same and she didn’t recognize any of them.

She left a trail of ashes behind her wherever she went and burnt her fingers while cupping the flame to keep the wind out and coughed and dragged until finally, finally, while she was leaning against her car and considering the vastness of the world and her insignificance and how it would feel to just disappear into it, everything went hazy and she grew lightheaded, and liked the warm feeling of the paper between her fingers, the taste of it, the feeling of the smoke as it travelled through her chest. It was pleasant, comforting, calming. She found the brand she liked the most and it was only ever a short high so she kept buying and buying until she finally felt ready to get in her car and drive, puffing the whole way over.

She went back to her apartment and changed the sheets and stared up at the ceiling, making sure there was a pack of cigarettes ready for her on the bedside table. Any time her fingers itched for a pen she smoked instead. 

She woke up the next day to Alex’s voice calling her name and stumbled out of the window and down the fire escape, tucking herself into a little corner and waiting until she went away. 

Alex visited at the same time every day. Breakfast with her wife had been replaced with checking up on her, Kara realized, and bought another pack. Alex kept coming, she kept calling, and Kara hid in the fire escape and watched the phone ring until it went to voicemail, and she went on smoking, and she went on staring, and she silenced the naive gaping hole in her chest that was still calling out to be filled.

She didn’t check the news. She didn’t watch TV. Everything was so constantly silent and she sat with her crushing loneliness and her desperate regret and her longing and she let herself feel all of it all at once. It was no longer confined to the nighttime, instead it was always there, all the time, leaving no room for anything else. There was no pretending and no pretense.

The voice mailbox got full, and the idea of it, of Alex stopping, of her moving on, hurt more than the cigarettes could heal, more than the darkness could hide.

So she sat on the couch and she listened to the very first message, to Alex tell her that she hoped she would find peace; listened to the second one, Alex telling her that she loved her and forgave her and if she could please just call and tell her she’s okay; the third,  _ Kara there’s something you should know, please call me back _ ; the fourth, the fifth, the sixth;  _ please call me back, please call me back, please call me back. _

She stopped then. There. It gave her six more voicemails, six times when she could watch the phone ring and feel like she’s not totally, completely alone. Kara smoked, she stared, she hid in the fire escape, until the time came and the voice box was full again, and then she sat on the couch and she listened to the rest.

_ Lena came back, and she says she told you everything, so I guess I— _

Kara fumbled for the phone and turned it off. The rush of anger shocked her, and she blinked at the broken mug on the other side of the apartment and felt something break inside her in turn. 

She replayed the voicemail with the apartment in disarray around her. 

_ —so I guess I should start catching you up. We found a man called Russel Rogers who was one of the, the test subjects in the experiment. It feels wrong to call him that. They’re running tests on him in forensics to validate the proof Sam, one of Lena’s friends, handed over. I’ll let you know what happens. _

_ We have Lex Luthor in custody for 48 hours while we get a warrant. I don’t know if you’re listening, but I hope you’re okay. I’m worried about you, Kara. I wish I could come get you but the station can’t afford a man down with everything going on. I love you, okay? You can come back. _

_ The tests add up. We have enough to apprehend Lex Luthor, and we have a warrant on top of that. You’re not alone, Kara. There’s all these people that are in the exact same position as you are, and you have me too. I wish I could hurt her for what she did to you, I wish I could throw her in a jail cell and turn off the cameras and just-- I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to hear that. I love you. Please come home. _

The sky outside began to lighten. Kara tried to put everything back in its place before Alex came looking for her, but everything was broken and the TV had a gaping hole in the middle and cigarette butts scorched the arm of the couch charcoal black and Alex was saying  _ Sam says Lena didn’t know when she met you, not until later on. She says she told you immediately after she found out. I guess that should make me feel better, but it doesn’t, because you’re still not here  _ \--and tears were clouding her eyes and 

the front door opened and Kara clenched the glass in her hands and Alex got on her knees and made her let go, pulled her close, and she smelled so clean and like the coconut shampoo she’s used since they were kids and Kara inhaled it desperately, replacing the stench that had clouded her for days, and curled her hands into her own shirt to keep the blood away.

-

Kara fumbled with gauze with shaky hands, sniffling and drawing in noisy, hiccuping breaths, confused and having no idea what she’d confessed in the two hours that had passed with her tears and snot smudging against Alex’s shirt. 

Alex silently followed her and attempted to help her, inducing another round of hiccups that threatened to devolve into tears.

“No, no, you go to work, this is my fault, I’ll clean everything up—”

“Kara, Kara stop.” Alex covered her hands, smearing blood onto her own palm. “We’re in this together. I’m with you. I’m with you.”

Kara stilled her shaky hands as much as she could, and Alex wrapped them up. She left Kara in the kitchen and started cleaning the place, swiping the bigger glass shards with a broom and the smaller ones with a vacuum.

She let Kara cry and she worked in silence and tossed the cigarette butts into the trash without a word, and just when Kara thought she might be running out of tears Alex spoke again.

“Just say sorry. Just say sorry so we can move on.”

“How can you do that?” Kara sniffled and shivered. “How can you still love me when all I ever do is push you away?”

“You’re my sister,” Alex said simply. “I can’t stop loving you any more than I can stop loving Eliza, or Jeremiah. Than you can stop loving your mother.”

Kara dropped her head to Alex's shoulder, her mind burning and her head aching for another cigarette, her snot ruining Alex’s shirt.

“How could she just do that? How could she just let me go like that, like I'm  _ nothing _ .”

For a moment Kara wasn’t sure whether she was talking about Lena or her mother. She blinked hard, trying to remember the things she’d spent the past week trying to avoid. Her mother never left her. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t imagine losing you.”

“I ruined everything. I lost my job and I hurt you and, everything I’ve worked for, everything I had—”

“You didn’t lose your job,” Alex interrupted.

Kara promptly stopped sniffling and blinked up at Alex through bleary eyes. “What?”

“You didn’t lose your job,” Alex repeated. “The public doesn’t know why Lex Luthor is apprehended yet and I told the board you’re the only person breaking the story. Nia’s holding your place over until you get back.”

“Oh,” Kara said, at a loss of words. 

“Yeah, oh,” Alex laughed, and Kara couldn’t help laughing along through her tears, the sound hoarse and ugly.

“Kara,” Alex said, growing serious again, “you spent your whole life lost, trying to find who you are. I can’t even imagine how that must’ve been for you, and I admit I might've handled it wrong, and we should work on that. But this, this tells you your name, your birthday, what happened to you, but it doesn’t tell you who you are. How you react to it, what you do with it, that’s who you are.  _ You  _ decide, not a piece of paper, and not anything or anyone else.”

Kara cuddled back into Alex’s side. She sat with that for a moment, allowing it to bring her a small measure of comfort. This wasn’t what the world had planned for her, the blank space in her baby blue colored memories and the lack of identity wasn’t a gift to help her carry on, despite what Ms. Davis thought. It was the product of a man who used her. 

“I have to figure out who I am,” Kara said. “Who my mother is. Otherwise I’ll never be okay again.”

“Just promise me you won’t run off again,” Alex whispered. There was real trepidation in her voice.

Kara got up on her knees.

“I did learn one thing about my family, from my trip,” she said, wiping her nose and speaking surely.

“What?” Alex asked.

“That you’re a part of it, and always will be. I’m sorry. I really am.”

Alex pulled her in for another hug. The tightest yet. If she never let go Kara would be fine with it.

-

Kara couldn’t find it in herself to go back to work, not yet. She printed the documents Lena left for her on her phone and read them over and absorbed every fact, ran a finger over her name over and over again.

Kara. It was always Kara. But there was a missing piece, and there it was- Kara Ziegler. The picture became clearer with each page turned, and it was horrific and not at all what she had wished for, but it was the truth and Kara could not change it.

It still didn’t completely make sense.

The experiments began in 1996, when Lionel Luthor, Lena’s father, was the CEO of LuthorCorp. There was nothing nefarious about them then: nanobots that could alter the chemistry of the brain and potentially cure its diseases. But the human trials failed and FDA regulations shut the whole thing down.

And they really did stop, for a while, it looked like. Until 2000, when Kara was eight years old. Under the table, this time, and so, so cruel. It was in a different facility, so not connected to LuthorCorp at all, but it had Lionel Luthor’s name written all over it.

The documents Lena and Sam put together were thorough. Missing kids all over the country, different states, and irregularly spaced, totally unassuming, no way to link them to each other. The same kids that are on the test subject list, amongst them being Russel Rogers, who the FBI ran a brain scan on that matched the effects Sam and Lena claim the nanobots to have.

But it doesn’t make sense. If Kara was kidnapped, if she’d been stolen from her parents, then how did her mom end up leaving her in Krypton? If her brain chemistry was altered and forced into forgetting everything she once held dear, then how come she still sees her in her dreams? 

It could be an illusion, It could be a figment of her imagination, but even through everything, Kara still hoped that it was real, that her brain had fought back, refused to let go of her mother.

A knock on the door interrupted Kara’s reading. It must be Alex, checking in on her again. Kara’s heart warmed and she rushed to wave away the smoke and hide the cigarette pack. Alex already knew about her smoking, and would definitely smell it on her, but Kara just didn’t like disappointing her.

It wasn’t Alex on the other side of the door. It was someone tall, and slender, and wearing bright clothing. Lena’s supposed  _ friend, _ and everything Kara wasn’t. 

“You must be Sam,” Kara said blankly.

“I am,” Sam said, perfectly composed. “And you’re Kara Danvers.”

“I am.”

Sam suddenly heaved a deep breath. Her purse, which had been held in the crook of her elbow, dropped to her palm. “I’m sorry. About everything.”

Kara’s heart sped up promptly at being so openly vulnerable in front of a complete stranger. “What role did you have in it?” 

“That’s what I would like to discuss with you.” Sam’s purse returned to her elbow, and she was all business again. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

“And I’m sure you know more about me than I do about myself.”

Kara agreed to sit down with Sam, but not in her home. She didn’t want anyone in her home. They rode in separate cars to a cafe nearby, and Kara sat and listened as Sam explained to her everything that she already knew.

She felt the anger of it all creep back in, and saw through it to the sadness buried deep inside. She did all of this, all of it, because she was afraid to be alone, because she was afraid Alex would move on, afraid that she would never connect with anyone because how could she when she didn’t even understand herself? How could she when even her own mother didn’t want her?

And then Lena came, and she brought her duffel bag with her and she stayed. She was there in the morning drinking coffee in the kitchen and she was there after work watching a show on the couch and she was there at night, in her bed. She was there in Krypton, and she understood Kara, for once, for the very first time,  _ understood  _ her to her bone marrow. 

And then she’d left.

Kara’s jawline hardened to a solid square.

“Did Lena know about all this?”

Sam’s answer came after a deliberate pause.

“I think she should be the one to tell you that.”

Kara gathered her keys and wallet and pushed her chair back- she didn’t have the patience for this. She could barely sit inside her own skin, could barely grasp at the feathers of herself that were floating just out of reach. She couldn’t deal with the anger that Sam was inspiring, the same anger that had her trashing her apartment like an out of body experience. She couldn’t deal with the anger of knowing someone  _ had the answers  _ but was keeping them from her. 

“I’m not interested in whatever this is. If you’re not going to tell me what I want to hear then I’ll just leave.”

Sam was quiet for a moment, and Kara took that as answer enough. It wasn’t until she was out of her chair that Sam broke.

“She didn’t know.”

Hope lept in Kara’s chest immediately. She imagined her heart had a hand and that it was reaching out, grasping at the words, covering itself in them.

Kara could just leave now. She could just let that, that  _ one _ good feeling, carry her through the week, soothe her when everything else weighed her down.

But she needed to know. She needed to stop feeling  _ incomplete, _ always like there was a part of the story she didn’t know, always like everybody else was in on a secret that she wasn’t a part of.

“What did she know?” Kara asked, her heart  _ reaching, reaching, reaching. _

“She knew there were experiments,” Sam explained. “And she tried to do something about it, but Lex sued her. She lost her job, she was in debt, she lost her family.”

Kara remembered the lawsuit with sudden clarity. She’d forgotten all about it, so busy with her own problems, so busy being angry rather than understanding.

Sam leaned across the table and spoke earnestly.

“You helped her, more than just giving her a place to stay. You helped her believe in people again.”

Her own brother. No wonder Lena was so broken, no wonder she kept Kara at arm’s length, no wonder she mourned her mother still. 

“Why did she leave? She could’ve told me herself. We were…” Kara hesitated, fighting back against the memory of Lena’s body wrapped in hers. “We connected.”

“That,” Sam said, “you’re going to have to ask her.”

-

Kara couldn’t write the article, no matter how hard she tried. 

She tried her favorite cafe, ordered a cookie and a spanish latte with a pretty heart made out of the foam. She tried the fire escape, a cigarette between her fingers. She tried every room in her condo. She couldn’t do it.

She knew what was stopping her, at the heart of it. If she wrote the article, it’d be like accepting that this was all she was getting. That she’ll never find out what happened to her mother, that she had to accept that she was incomplete. She didn’t know if she could ever fill the hole left behind.

“Think about the others like you,” Alex had told her. “Your article might help them find out who  _ they _ are.”

It’s true. The FBI can’t locate the others because they have different names, live in different cities with different families, but they might see something of themselves in her story, and releasing their names and pictures on the Tribune will help them find their way to the FBI, to the truth.

So Kara started writing.  _ Really  _ writing, let it all spill out of her. There was no coherent structure- it wasn’t an  _ article,  _ really, more like a journal entry, but it was something, for now. 

Alex stopped checking in on her every day, and Kara was glad of it- she wasn’t a child, and she didn’t love being reminded of her weakness. Instead, every couple of days, expensive vases of flowers appeared at her doorstep in the mornings. 

Kara thought nothing of it, at first. She had so much on her mind, with the article and rebuilding her relationship with Alex and going back to work, that she it slipped to the back of her mind easily.

When the second bouquet arrived, this time of yellow, small petaled flowers, she began to get a little suspicious. There were very few people who knew where she lived, and after quickly asking them and receiving denials, she grew paranoid. Learning that you had been kidnapped and experimented on as a child would do that to a person. 

So she stayed up all night and waited by the door, working on her article all the while. It gave rise to an odd sleeping schedule but she had always written her best work when the rest of the world was sleeping.

Finally, on an early Friday morning, light footsteps walked down the hallway and stopped just outside her door. Kara leapt to her feet and threw it open, catching the delivery man off guard with a vase of white tulips held in his hands.

“Who sent you?” 

“Flower delivery ma’am,” the man said, blinking his wide eyes owlishly.

“From who?” Kara asked.

“I’m sorry, it’s anonymous, ma’am.”

Kara pursed her lips and procured a wad of cash from her pocket, counting out the hundred dollar bills with a raised brow. The man bent immediately. It was a woman, he said, and he wasn’t sure what her name was but she had dark hair and pale skin and beautiful eyes.

Kara leant against the door, her heart thundering against her chest. Again, it felt like it was reaching for the flowers, begging her to let it touch them. Kara obeyed it. They were beautiful, and when flowers always seemed to her to lack the beautiful smell that books and poetry insisted they had, her nose caught a sweetness coming from the bud. 

Each week new flowers arrived, and each week old flowers died, all expensive, coming in dozens and in beautiful vases.

Surely Lena couldn’t afford them. Kara knew through Sam that Lena had refused her help past an outfit to wear to court, that she had moved back into her old, ratty apartment. She grew angrier with each flower arrangement left at her door- how many meals was Lena missing, how much warm clothes could she have bought for herself instead of sending meaningless flowers that did nothing but give color to Kara’s apartment?

Kara gathered as many vases as she could into her arms and stormed to her car, speeding down the familiar street where Lena had yelled and shoved at her under the streetlights. Her heart mellowed and raged in tandem. She was going to see Lena. To scream at her, to yell at her, and to leave her the same broken mess she had left Kara.


End file.
